Best jokes ever

Little Johnny's teacher asks him, "If I have 5 cookies, and I give you 2, how many cookies do I have left?" Little Johnny replies, "Zero, you're giving me more than just 3 cookies. I'm taking all 5 baby!" The teacher just facepalms herself. "I can strongly suggest that you work on your math skills Johnny." the teacher suggests. "Oh I know math, one man plus one girl, subtract a condom, equals a baby!" Little Johnny says.
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has 46.43 % from 50 votes. More jokes about: baby, dirty, little Johnny, math, teacher
Chuck Norris abducts aliens.
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has 46.43 % from 50 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris
A blonde was speeding in a 35 mile per hour zone when a local police officer pulled her over and walked up to the car. The officer also happened to be a blonde and she asked for the blonde's driver's license. The driver searched frantically in her purse for a while and finally said to the blonde policewoman, "What does a driver's license look like?" Irritated, the blonde cop said, "You dummy, it's got your picture on it!" The blonde driver frantically searched her purse again and found a small, rectangular mirror down at the bottom. She held it up to her face and said, "Aha! This must be my driver's license" and handed it to the blonde policewoman. The blonde cop looked in the mirror, handed it back to the driver and said, "You're free to go. And, if I had known you were a police officer too, we could have avoided all of this."
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has 46.37 % from 33 votes. More jokes about: blonde, car, cop
I saw some ducks practicing their teenage girl faces at the pond today.
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has 46.37 % from 33 votes. More jokes about: animal, duck, teen
When Alexander Bell invented the telephone he had three missed calls from Chuck Norris
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has 46.37 % from 33 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris, phone
I always look for a woman who has a tattoo. I see a woman with a tattoo, and I’m thinking, okay, here’s a gal who’s capable of making a decision she’ll regret in the future.
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has 46.37 % from 33 votes. More jokes about: women
Q: Why are crippled people always picked on? A: Because they can't stand up for themselves.
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has 46.37 % from 33 votes. More jokes about: black people, health, vulgar
Chuck Norris became famous when he coached the American rugby and America won the fifa world cup.
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has 46.37 % from 33 votes. More jokes about: celebrity, Chuck Norris, sport
There were once these two blondes who were sitting around bored and alone one day. They noticed an article in the paper where they were selling bird dogs. Well they had heard that dogs make excellent companions so they went out to buy one. They brought the dog home and fell instantly in love with him. They had heard somewhere that bird dogs were smart and good at what they do. So the two blondes decided to take the dog outside and watch him do what he is was so good at doing. They tried it out a couple of times, but the blondes came off more disappointed than amazed at what the dog could do. Finally one of the blondes was sick and tired of waiting, she suddenly shouted out: "THAT’S IT! We’ll give this dog one more chance. We’ll throw him up in the air one more time and if he doesn’t fly we’re taking him back to the STORE!"
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has 46.37 % from 33 votes. More jokes about: bird, blonde, dog, love
Chuck Norris doesn't compete, he wins.
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has 46.37 % from 33 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris
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