Q: What do you call an empty jar of Cheez Whiz?
A: Cheez Whuz. 
Yo' Mama is so stupid, she tried to put the leftover orange juice back in the rind.
Even the story of Sir Walter Ralegh confirms that he put his brand new coat over bumps with mud for his wife to cross it.
Why?
Because he was on sea for 15 months and he desperately wanted to have sex.
No normal man that is well in his brains would do this to his expensive coat.
Chuck Norris gives poison ivy a rash.
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A New Zealander walking along the road with a sheep under each arm.
He meets another New Zealander who says "you sheerin' mate?" and the first guy replies "naw, they're all mine"
Q: What do Miss Muffet and Saddam Hussein have in common ?
A: They both have Kurds in their Whey.
What’s the difference between a nigger and a car tire?
The tire doesn’t sing when you put it chains!
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A chicken and an egg are lying in bed. The chicken takes out a cigarette and begins to smoke. The egg, pissed off, takes one look at the chicken, rolls over and pulls the blanket over him and says, "I guess we answered that question!"
The reason the Holy Grail has never been recovered is because nobody is brave enough to ask Chuck Norris to give up his favourite coffee mug.
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Q: Why did Arnold Schwarzenegger train on a desert island?
A: He wanted maximum isolation.
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