Best jokes ever

Yo mamma is so ugly when she tried to join an ugly contest they said, "Sorry, no professionals."
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There was once a man from the city who was visiting a small farm, and during this visit he saw a farmer feeding pigs in a most extraordinary manner. The farmer would lift a pig up to a nearby apple tree, and the pig would eat the apples off the tree directly. The farmer would move the pig from one apple to another until the pig was satisfied, then he would start again with another pig. The city man watched this activity for some time with great astonishment. Finally, he could not resist saying to the farmer, “This is the most inefficient method of feeding pigs that I can imagine. Just think of the time that would be saved if you simply shook the apples off the tree and let the pigs eat them from the ground!” The farmer looked puzzled and replied, “What’s time to a pig?”
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Yo momma’s so stupid, she put lipstick on her forehead, because she wanted to make up her mind.
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Yo momma’s so stupid, she took a ruler to bed to see how long she slept.
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How did the blonde try to kill the bird?? She threw it off a cliff.
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More jokes about: animal
Wouldn’t it be great if men were made by Kodak! They would automatically shut off when they weren’t being used. You wouldn’t have to wait for them to recharge after each shot. They last longer and come with a warranty. You can try them out first for a two-week trial period and return them if not satisfied with no risks or hassle. They exist to capture the moment, not ruin it. They come in fashion colors. You can keep them in maximum zoom. They come with replaceable or adjustable parts. The parts that count are portable. They don’t mind over-exposure. They respond to the slightest touch. The one you want is available at a KMART near you.
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More jokes about: men
A blonde, a redhead, and a brunette were all lost in the desert. They found a lamp and rubbed it. A genie popped out and granted them each one wish. The redhead wished to be back home. Poof! She was back home. The brunette wished to be at home with her family. Poof! She was back home with her family. The blonde said, "Awwww, I wish my friends were here."
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How many babies does it take to paint a house? Depends how hard you throw them.
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More jokes about: baby, black humor, disgusting
Wanna go on an 'ate' with me? I'll give you the 'D' later.
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More jokes about: dating, dirty, flirt, food, sex
I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day but I couldn't find any.
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More jokes about: military


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