Chuck Norris invented his own type of karate. It's called Chuck-Will-Kill.
Q: How do you fix a woman's watch? A: You don't...there's a clock on the oven!
Q: Why did the lion brake up with his girlfriend? A: Cuz she was a CHEETAH!
A blonde was playing Trivial Pursuit one night. It was her turn. She rolled the dice and she landed on "Science & Nature." Her question was, "If you are in a vacuum and someone calls your name, can you hear it?" She thought for a time and then asked, "Is it on or off?"
What's red and green and goes at 100mph? A frog in a blender.
Anxiety: Getting up to see why the baby isn’t crying.
How many men does it take to change a roll of toilet paper? Who knows? - It hasn't happened yet!!
How do you get a man to stop biting his nails? Make him wear shoes.
Discussion between two future lawyers: I don’t understand why they rejected me! I told them that I want to be a lawyer because I respect the law, that I’d give my life for the Constitution and that I want justice for my clients. What did you tell them? I told them that I want to be a lawyer because of my hands! You’re hands? What do you mean? Well, I looked in my hands and there were no money...
When a teacher closes his eyes, why should it remind him of an empty classroom? Because there are no pupils to see!