Best jokes ever

An English professor complained to the pet shop proprietor, “The parrot I purchased uses improper language.” “I’m surprised,” said the owner. “I’ve never taught that bird to swear.” “Oh, it isn’t that,” explained the professor. “But yesterday I heard him split an infinitive.”
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has 45.82 % from 24 votes. More jokes about: school
A blonde is walking down the street with her blouse open and her right breast hanging out. A policeman approaches her and says, "Ma'am, are you aware that I could cite you for indecent exposure?" "Why" asks the Blond "Because your breast is hanging out." She looks down and says, "OH MY GOD, I left the baby on the bus again!"
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has 45.82 % from 24 votes. More jokes about: baby, blonde, cop
A man comes home after his regular Saturday golf game and his wife asks why he doesn't include Joseph in the games anymore. The husband asks, "Would you want to play with a guy who regularly cheats, swears up a storm over everything, lies about his score, and has nothing good to say about anyone else on the course?" "Of course I wouldn't," replies the wife. "Well," says the husband, "neither would Joseph."
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has 45.82 % from 24 votes. More jokes about: game, husband, sport, wife
An old lady really wanted to visit England, the home of her ancestors, before she died. So she went to the Federal Office and asked for a passport. “You must take the loyalty oath first,” the passport clerk said. “Raise your right hand, please.” The old gal raised her right hand. “Do you swear to defend the Constitution of the United States against all its enemies, domestic or foreign?” The sweet old face paled and the voice trembled as she responded, “Well, I guess so, but. . .will I have help, or will I have to do it all by myself?”
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has 45.82 % from 24 votes. More jokes about: old people, priest, travel
Chuck Norris did 5 successful suicide bomb missions
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has 45.82 % from 24 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris, death
Yo mama is so ugly, Bob the Builder said: '' holy fuck we can't fix that.''
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has 45.82 % from 24 votes. More jokes about: insulting, ugly, Yo mama
Chuck Norris doesn't do his taxes.....he just sends a blank tax form with his picture on it.
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has 45.82 % from 24 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris
Q: Why can't a blonde count to 70? A: Because 69's a mouthful.
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has 45.82 % from 24 votes. More jokes about: school
Computers make very fast, very accurate mistakes.
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has 45.82 % from 24 votes. More jokes about: IT
Where do you go if you become ‘at one’ with your computer? Nerdvana.
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has 45.82 % from 24 votes. More jokes about: IT
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