A young man wants to be left something in his aunt’s will, so every day he goes round and takes her poodles for a walk.
When she finally dies, she does indeed remember the kindness of her nephew – and leaves him the poodles.
A man goes into a pub and says, ‘I’d like something tall, icy and full of gin.’
The barman turns and shouts into the kitchen, ‘Oi, Doris!
Someone to see you!’
A man goes into a bank and asks the cashier to check his balance, so the cashier pushes him over.
What’s the best way to get in touch with your long-lost relatives?
Win the Lottery.
I saw a tramp who was so broke he was standing on the corner shouting, ‘Will work for cardboard and a magic marker!’
Our house was so small if we got a large pizza we had to go outside to eat it.
We were so poor the only way I could afford to get my suit pressed was to ride the subway during rush hour.
What’s the difference between a pigeon and a tramp?
The pigeon can put a deposit on a Porsche.
Yo momma’s so ugly, her dentist treats her by mail order.
He was so mean he used to give his children £1 each instead of an evening meal, then charged them £2 for breakfast.