Chuck Norris can divide prime numbers into whole numbers.
Vote:
Little Johnny was in Maths class when his teacher asked him:
"Johnny, if your Mother had to repay a loan of $100,000, and you gave her $50,000, what would she need to repay the loan?"
Johnny replied, "To repay the loan? $50,000 more. To stay alive? CPR."
Vote:
What's better than 10 dead babies in 1 bag?
1 dead baby in 10 bags.
Vote:
‘If you pick up a starving dog and make him prosperous, he will not bite you.
This is the principal difference between a dog and a man.’ Mark Twain
We have our water metered and it’s very expensive.
The other day the house was on fire and we didn’t know whether it would be cheaper to let it burn.
A young man wants to be left something in his aunt’s will, so every day he goes round and takes her poodles for a walk.
When she finally dies, she does indeed remember the kindness of her nephew – and leaves him the poodles.
A man goes into a pub and says, ‘I’d like something tall, icy and full of gin.’
The barman turns and shouts into the kitchen, ‘Oi, Doris!
Someone to see you!’
A man goes into a bank and asks the cashier to check his balance, so the cashier pushes him over.
What’s the best way to get in touch with your long-lost relatives?
Win the Lottery.
I saw a tramp who was so broke he was standing on the corner shouting, ‘Will work for cardboard and a magic marker!’