Three guys are riding in their truck while drinking beer, having a good ol' time.
The driver looks in the mirror and sees the flashing lights of a police car so he pulls over.
The other two are real nervous, "What do we do with our beers?
We're in trouble!"
"No," the driver says, "just do this: pull the label off of your beer bottle and stick it to your forehead and let me do the talking."
So they all pull the labels off their beer bottles and stick 'em to their foreheads.
The policeman walks up and says, "You boys were swerving down the road.
Have you been drinking?"
The driver says, "Oh, no officer," and points to his forehead, "we're on the patch, trying to quit."
Patty was sitting in her back yard digging a hole to bury her dead goldfish. Mrs. Johnson, who lived next door, was watching her over the fence.
Mrs. Johnson said, "Patty, what are you doing?"
Patty said, "I'm digging a hole to bury my dead goldfish."
Mrs. Johnson said, "Patty, don't you think that hole is a little BIG for a goldfish?"
Patty said, "No...it's inside your damn cat!"
Your mama is such a wh*re, that all the men use her just like a roundabout, everyone take's a turn
What do you call a lesbian dinosaur
A lickalotopis
Q: What do you say when you meet a two-headed monster?
A: Hello, hello.
Q: Why can't scientists find a cure for AIDS?
A: They can't get the laboratory mice to arse f*ck.
Barking dog at the back door wanting in and your wife's yelling at the front wanting in.
Which one do you let in?
The dog, once he's in, he shuts up!
Come on guys, I think we are a little tough on pedophiles, they have a hard time fitting in.
Vote:
Q: How many cops does it take to arrest a Mexican?
A: Eight. One to carry him, the rest to carry his oranges.
An old Jewish beggar was out on the street, begging with his tin cup.
A man passed by and the beggar said to the man, "Sir, could you spare 3 cents for a cup of coffee?"
And the man said, "Where do get coffee for 3 cents?"
And the beggar said, "Who buys retail?"