What do you give a cat for its birthday? A catologue.
The room was full of pregnant women and their partners. The Lamaze class was in full swing. The instructor was teaching the women how to breathe properly, and informing the men how to give the necessary assurances at this stage of the plan. "Ladies, exercise is good for you," announced the teacher. Walking is especially beneficial. And, gentlemen, it wouldn't hurt you to take the time to go walking with your partner!" The room was very quiet. Finally, a man in the middle of the group raised his hand. "Yes?" asked the instructor. "Is it alright if she carries a golf bag while we walk?"
3 girls step on a magic rug that makes u disappear if u tell a lie. Brunette: I think I'm the prettiest girl in school. *poof* Red-head: I think I'm the most popular girl in school. *poof* Blonde: I think-. *poof*
When Chuck Norris calls 1-900 numbers, he doesn’t get charged. He holds up the phone and money falls out.
Yo mamma’s so fat, her belly button looks like a black hole!
A female police officer arrests a guy for drunk driving. While reading him his Miranda Rights, the female officer tells the man: "Sir, you have the right to remain silent. Anything you say, can and will be held against you." "Boobs" the drunk replied.
When Chuck Norris sends in his taxes, he sends blank forms and includes only a picture of himself, crouched and ready to attack. Chuck Norris has not had to pay taxes ever.
A completely inebriated man was stumbling down the street with one foot on the curb and one foot in the gutter. A cop pulled up and said, "I've got to take you in, pal. You're obviously drunk." Our wasted friend asked, "Officer, are ya absolutely sure I'm drunk?" "Yeah, buddy, I'm sure," said the copper. "Let's go." Breathing a sigh of relief, the wino said, "Thank goodness, I thought I was crippled."
A Lady calls the airline office in New York and asks, "How long does it take to fly to Hawaii?" The clerk says to her, "Just a second." The woman says "Thank you", and hangs up.
Why is 6 afraid of 7? Because 7 ate 9!