‘I was involved in an extremely good example of oral contraception two weeks ago.
I asked a girl to go to bed with me, and she said “No”.’ Woody Allen
Cats are allergic to Chuck Norris.
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Aliens do exist.
They're just waiting for Chuck Norris to die before they attack.
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Chuck Norris's programs can pass the Turing Test by staring at the interrogator.
Aliens DO indeed exist.
They just know better than to visit a planet that Chuck Norris is on.
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There will never be a zombie apocalypse, because when Chuck Norris bites zombies, they turn back into humans.
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A man calls into the police station and says, "My wife is missing."
The officer asks, "How long has she been gone?"
"A month."
"Why did you wait so long to report it?"
"Well, until yesterday I thought it was just a dream, then I realized I didn’t have any clean clothes to wear."
The only sure things are Death and Taxes…and when Chuck Norris goes to work for the IRS, they'll be the same thing.
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Why did Beyonce sing 'to the left', 'to the left'?
- Because black people have no rights..
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"What is a man's idea of a balanced diet?"
"A Budweiser in each hand!"