Best jokes ever

Two guys are talking about their boss's upcoming wedding. One bloke says, "It's ridiculous, he's rich, but he's 95 years old, and she's just 24! What kind of a wedding is that?" The other says, "Well, we have a name for it in my family." "What do you call it?" "We call it a football wedding." The first asks, "What's a football wedding?" The other says, "She's waiting for him to kick off!"
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has 45.58 % from 15 votes. More jokes about: age, family, sport, wedding
John was sitting outside his local pub one day, enjoying a quiet pint and generally feeling good about himself, when a nun suddenly appears at his table and starts decrying the evils of drink. "You should be ashamed of yourself young man! Drinking is a Sin! Alcohol is the blood of the devil!" Now John gets pretty annoyed about this, and goes on the offensive. "How do you know this, Sister?" "My Mother Superior told me so." "But have you ever had a drink yourself? How can you be sure that what you are saying is right?" "Don’t be ridiculous – of course I have never taken alcohol myself" "Then let me buy you a drink – if you still believe afterwards that it is evil I will give up drink for life" "How could I, a Nun, sit outside this public house drinking?!" "I’ll get the barman to put it in a teacup for you, then no one will ever know." The Nun reluctantly agrees, so John goes inside to the bar. "Another pint for me, and a triple vodka on the rocks", then he lowers his voice and says to the barman "and could you put the vodka in a teacup?" "Oh no! It’s not that Nun again is it?"
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has 45.58 % from 15 votes. More jokes about: alcohol
Crude & Rude Dude A man's driving happily along in his car when he's pulled over by the police. The policeman approaches him and asks "Have you been drinking Sir?" "Why?" asks the man, "have I got a fat chick in my car?"
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has 45.58 % from 15 votes. More jokes about: cop
What is a buttress? A female goat.
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has 45.58 % from 15 votes. More jokes about: animal, women
Money is not everything. There’s also MasterCard and Visa.
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has 45.58 % from 15 votes. More jokes about: money
Q. What do you call a sensitive, intelligent man? A. An oxymoron.
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has 45.58 % from 15 votes. More jokes about: men
Chuck Norris passed a kidney stone once. That stone is now known as The Death Star.
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has 45.58 % from 15 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris
Chuck Norris can tell you what a lethal injection feels like
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has 45.58 % from 15 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris
Yo' Mama is so stupid, she thought a ribbed condom was soul food.
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has 45.58 % from 15 votes. More jokes about: food, insulting, stupid, Yo mama
Q: What do you get when you cross a rooster with a jar of peanut butter? A: A cock that sticks to the roof of your mouth.
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has 45.58 % from 15 votes. More jokes about: animal, food
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