Yo mama so stupid that when I was drowning I yelled out to her that I needed a life saver and she said "Cherry or grape?"
A Blonde was at a gumball machine.
She put a quarter in and kept getting a gumball out.
The man behind her asked if he could get a gumball.
She said, "Shut up! I'm WINNING!"
Chuck Norris doesn't do his taxes.....he just sends a blank tax form with his picture on it.
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How did they know that the driver had dandruff?
They found his head and shoulders in the glove box.
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Did you hear about the blonde who after watching the ballerinas, wondered why they didn't get taller girls?
What did the PENCIL say to the SHARPENER? STOP GOING IN CIRCLES AND GET TO THE POINT
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The boss snubs his employee because he took a flashlight with him to a date: "What kind of crap happens nowadays? When I was in your age, I wasn’t carrying any flashlight with me on a date. I was always meeting my girlfriends in the dark."
"And what did that got you... Take a look at what you’ve married in to!"
Aliens DO indeed exist.
They just know better than to visit a planet that Chuck Norris is on.
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There will never be a zombie apocalypse, because when Chuck Norris bites zombies, they turn back into humans.
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Q: How many nurses does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: None. They just have a nursing student do it.
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