Did you hear about the blonde who after watching the ballerinas, wondered why they didn't get taller girls?
What did the PENCIL say to the SHARPENER? STOP GOING IN CIRCLES AND GET TO THE POINT
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The boss snubs his employee because he took a flashlight with him to a date: "What kind of crap happens nowadays? When I was in your age, I wasn’t carrying any flashlight with me on a date. I was always meeting my girlfriends in the dark."
"And what did that got you... Take a look at what you’ve married in to!"
Aliens DO indeed exist.
They just know better than to visit a planet that Chuck Norris is on.
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There will never be a zombie apocalypse, because when Chuck Norris bites zombies, they turn back into humans.
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What's the only thing white girls swallow?
Starbucks.
Chuck Norris once killed a man in New York while practicing Bruce Lee's one inch punch...
Chuck Norris was in San Franscisco at the time.
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Q: How many nurses does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: None. They just have a nursing student do it.
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Yo mama so fat when she went to outer space NASA thought they discovered a new planet.
Yo' Mama is so redneck, the door mat to her trailer home doubles as a mad flap for her pick up truck.