There will never be a zombie apocalypse, because when Chuck Norris bites zombies, they turn back into humans.
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Chuck Norris used to be a soccer referee.
He lost the job after giving penalties to the players: Death Penalty.
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The phrase "Just a second" comes from the time it takes for Chuck Norris to heat up a cup of coffee... with his breath.
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Chuck Norris ate a sheet of paper, then later found an origami swan in the toilet.
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Chuck Norris stared in to the mirror and said, "There can only be one Chuck Norris."
Then his reflection cried and walked away.
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Chuck Norris once spelled the entire alphabet using only M&Ms.
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Chuck Norris actually completed Tetris.
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Chuck Norris once sued the Houghton-Mifflin textbook company when it became apparent that their account of the war of 1812 was plagiarized from his autobiography.
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While urinating, Chuck Norris is easily capable of welding titanium.
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Chuck Norris pitties Mr. T.
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Chuck Norris doesn't die...he just sleep in the ground for a little bit.
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