What's the only thing white girls swallow?
Starbucks.
Q: How many nurses does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: None. They just have a nursing student do it.
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Here is an explanation of the school homework policy for the average student.
Students should not spend more than ninety minutes per night.
This time should be budgeted in the following manner if the student desires to achieve moderate to good grades in his/her classes.
15 minutes looking for assignment.
11 minutes calling a friend for the assignment.
23 minutes explaining why the teacher is mean and just does not like children.
8 minutes in the bathroom.
10 minutes getting a snack.
7 minutes checking the TV Guide.
6 minutes telling parents that the teacher never explained the assignment.
10 minutes sitting at the kitchen table waiting for Mom or Dad to do the assignment.
‘I was involved in an extremely good example of oral contraception two weeks ago.
I asked a girl to go to bed with me, and she said “No”.’ Woody Allen
Father: "You've got 4 D's and a C on your report."
Son: "Maybe I concentrated too much on the one subject..."
Q: What do you call a fake noodle?
A: An Impasta
Aliens do exist.
They're just waiting for Chuck Norris to die before they attack.
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Chuck Norris gets a the highest score possible on Wii Fit by sitting down.
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Europe to Iceland:
Why did you send us volcanic ash? Our airspace has shut down.
Iceland: What? That's what you asked for isn't it?
Europe: NO! We said cash! CASH!
Iceland: Woooops...
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Johny visits the psychiatrist and tells him: "Lately I have a big problem with my memory."
The psychiatrist asks Johny: "And how does it demonstrate concretely?"
Johny: "What?"
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