There will never be a zombie apocalypse, because when Chuck Norris bites zombies, they turn back into humans.
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Here is an explanation of the school homework policy for the average student.
Students should not spend more than ninety minutes per night.
This time should be budgeted in the following manner if the student desires to achieve moderate to good grades in his/her classes.
15 minutes looking for assignment.
11 minutes calling a friend for the assignment.
23 minutes explaining why the teacher is mean and just does not like children.
8 minutes in the bathroom.
10 minutes getting a snack.
7 minutes checking the TV Guide.
6 minutes telling parents that the teacher never explained the assignment.
10 minutes sitting at the kitchen table waiting for Mom or Dad to do the assignment.
‘I was involved in an extremely good example of oral contraception two weeks ago.
I asked a girl to go to bed with me, and she said “No”.’ Woody Allen
Father: "You've got 4 D's and a C on your report."
Son: "Maybe I concentrated too much on the one subject..."
Q: What do you call a fake noodle?
A: An Impasta
When you google up Chuck Norris, he googles you back for revenge.
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Aliens do exist.
They're just waiting for Chuck Norris to die before they attack.
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Johny visits the psychiatrist and tells him: "Lately I have a big problem with my memory."
The psychiatrist asks Johny: "And how does it demonstrate concretely?"
Johny: "What?"
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Chuck Norris stopped playing golf after that unfortunate incident with the dinosaurs.
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Chuck Norris gets a the highest score possible on Wii Fit by sitting down.
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