Aliens DO indeed exist.
They just know better than to visit a planet that Chuck Norris is on.
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There will never be a zombie apocalypse, because when Chuck Norris bites zombies, they turn back into humans.
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Yo mama so fat when she went to outer space NASA thought they discovered a new planet.
Yo' Mama is so redneck, the door mat to her trailer home doubles as a mad flap for her pick up truck.
The only sure things are Death and Taxes…and when Chuck Norris goes to work for the IRS, they'll be the same thing.
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Here is an explanation of the school homework policy for the average student.
Students should not spend more than ninety minutes per night.
This time should be budgeted in the following manner if the student desires to achieve moderate to good grades in his/her classes.
15 minutes looking for assignment.
11 minutes calling a friend for the assignment.
23 minutes explaining why the teacher is mean and just does not like children.
8 minutes in the bathroom.
10 minutes getting a snack.
7 minutes checking the TV Guide.
6 minutes telling parents that the teacher never explained the assignment.
10 minutes sitting at the kitchen table waiting for Mom or Dad to do the assignment.
‘I was involved in an extremely good example of oral contraception two weeks ago.
I asked a girl to go to bed with me, and she said “No”.’ Woody Allen
Father: "You've got 4 D's and a C on your report."
Son: "Maybe I concentrated too much on the one subject..."
Q: What do you call a fake noodle?
A: An Impasta
When you google up Chuck Norris, he googles you back for revenge.
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