Best jokes ever

A man calls into the police station and says, "My wife is missing." The officer asks, "How long has she been gone?" "A month." "Why did you wait so long to report it?" "Well, until yesterday I thought it was just a dream, then I realized I didn’t have any clean clothes to wear."
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has 45.68 % from 43 votes. More jokes about: cop, marriage, wife
Chuck Norris's programs can pass the Turing Test by staring at the interrogator.
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has 45.68 % from 43 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris, coding, computer, geek, IT
The only sure things are Death and Taxes…and when Chuck Norris goes to work for the IRS, they'll be the same thing.
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has 45.68 % from 43 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris, death, tax, work
"What is a man's idea of a balanced diet?" "A Budweiser in each hand!"
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has 45.60 % from 45 votes. More jokes about: alcohol, men
‘I’m a bad lover. Once I caught a peeping Tom booing me.’ Rodney Dangerfield
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has 45.60 % from 45 votes. More jokes about: sex
What is a buttress? A female goat.
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has 45.58 % from 15 votes. More jokes about: animal, women
John was sitting outside his local pub one day, enjoying a quiet pint and generally feeling good about himself, when a nun suddenly appears at his table and starts decrying the evils of drink. "You should be ashamed of yourself young man! Drinking is a Sin! Alcohol is the blood of the devil!" Now John gets pretty annoyed about this, and goes on the offensive. "How do you know this, Sister?" "My Mother Superior told me so." "But have you ever had a drink yourself? How can you be sure that what you are saying is right?" "Don’t be ridiculous – of course I have never taken alcohol myself" "Then let me buy you a drink – if you still believe afterwards that it is evil I will give up drink for life" "How could I, a Nun, sit outside this public house drinking?!" "I’ll get the barman to put it in a teacup for you, then no one will ever know." The Nun reluctantly agrees, so John goes inside to the bar. "Another pint for me, and a triple vodka on the rocks", then he lowers his voice and says to the barman "and could you put the vodka in a teacup?" "Oh no! It’s not that Nun again is it?"
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has 45.58 % from 15 votes. More jokes about: alcohol
Crude & Rude Dude A man's driving happily along in his car when he's pulled over by the police. The policeman approaches him and asks "Have you been drinking Sir?" "Why?" asks the man, "have I got a fat chick in my car?"
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has 45.58 % from 15 votes. More jokes about: cop
Money is not everything. There’s also MasterCard and Visa.
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has 45.58 % from 15 votes. More jokes about: money
Q. What do you call a sensitive, intelligent man? A. An oxymoron.
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has 45.58 % from 15 votes. More jokes about: men
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