There where two snakes talking.
The 1st one said 'Sidney, are we the type of snakes who wrap ourselves around our prey and squeeze and crush until they're dead?
Or are we the type of snake who ambush our prey and bite them and they are poisioned?'.
Then the second Snake says "Why do you ask?"
The 1st one replies: "I just bit my lip!"
What king of money do fishermen make?
Net profits!
Crude & Rude Dude A man's driving happily along in his car when he's pulled over by the police.
The policeman approaches him and asks "Have you been drinking Sir?"
"Why?" asks the man, "have I got a fat chick in my car?"
How is a man like a microwave oven?
Just another thing that heats up instantly and goes off in twenty seconds.
Someday, the people who know how to use computers will rule over those who don’t.
And there will be a special name for them – secretaries.
I dated a lawyer until she said, ‘Stop, and/or I’ll slap your face!’
A private was brought up before the unit CO for some offence.
‘You can take your choice, Private – one month’s restriction or twenty days’ pay,’ said the officer.
‘All right, sir,’ said the bright soldier, ‘I’ll take the money.’
Q. Why do men find it difficult to make eye contact?
A. Breasts don't have eyes.
Q. What do you call a sensitive, intelligent man?
A. An oxymoron.
How many schoolteachers does it take to change a light bulb?
None. Anything not completed during the lesson is added to the homework.