When Chuck Norris punches someone in the stomach they get hit in the back of the head.
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Yo' Mama is so stupid, she thinks her binoculars are opera glasses.
A watched kettle never boils... unless Chuck Norris is doing the watching, in which case it explodes.
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Everyone knows Chuck Norris' pet rock... he named it "Earth."
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What do Mario LeMieux and Courtney Love have in common?
They both shower after three periods!
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One day, a guy walks out from a shop to see someone PISSING on his Ferrari.
"Hey," says the man. "Why are you pissing on my Ferrari?"
"Because I feel like it."
"Tell you what -- I won't report you to the police if you can keep up with my Ferrari."
"Whatever."
So the guy gets in his car and drives off, going faster and faster, until he's hit 100 miles per hour.
Amazingly, the guy is still keeping up.
"I'm amazed," says the driver. "How are you keeping up?"
"It's easy," says the running man, "when your d**k is stuck in the door."
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The Tower of Pisa was in Chuck Norris' way.
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Chuck Norris once ran in a movie marathon.... and won.
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What country do cows love to visit?
Moo Zealand.
Where do Danish cows come from?
Cowpenhagenf.