Yo' Mama is so stupid, she thinks her binoculars are opera glasses.
A watched kettle never boils... unless Chuck Norris is doing the watching, in which case it explodes.
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Chuck Norris once ran in a movie marathon.... and won.
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What country do cows love to visit?
Moo Zealand.
Where do Danish cows come from?
Cowpenhagenf.
What do you call it when one rabbit challenges another rabbit to hop across a forty-yard canyon?
A hare dare.
Q: What does a plumber need to know about his job?
A: Sh*t runs downhill and payday is on Friday.
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"How are your hemorrhoids?"
"Swell."
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The Tower of Pisa was in Chuck Norris' way.
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How can you tell a rabbit from a skunk?
A skunk uses a cheaper deodorant.