Best jokes ever

Customer: “I can’t seem to connect to the Internet.” Tech Support: “Ah, right. What operating system are you running?” Customer: “Netscape.” Tech Support: “No, what version of Windows are you using?” Customer: “Uhhh…Hewlett Packard?” Tech Support: “No, Right click on ‘My Computer,’ and select properties on the menu.” Customer: “Your computer? It’s my computer!”
Vote: has 81.04 % from 183 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: computer, IT
Chuck Norris installed his own home security system. It's called "Chuck Norris."
Vote: has 81.04 % from 128 votes. Send joke:

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A man had been drinking at the bar for hours when he mentioned something about his girlfriend being out in the car. The bartender, concerned because it was so cold, went to check on her. When he looked inside the car, he saw the drunk's buddy, Pete, and his girlfriend going at it in the back-seat. The bartender shook his head and walked back inside. He told the drunk that he thought it might be a good idea to check on his girlfriend. The drunk staggered outside to the car, saw Pete and his girlfriend entwined, then walked back into the bar laughing. "What's so funny?" the bartender asked. "That damned Pete!" the drunk chortled, "He's so drunk, he thinks he's me!"
Vote: has 81.02 % from 64 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: alcohol, bar, bartender, car, drunk
A military cargo plane, flying over a populated area, suddenly loses power and starts to nose down. The pilot tries to pull up, but with all their cargo, the plane is too heavy. So he yells to the soldiers in back to throw things out to make the plane lighter. They throw out a pistol. “Throw out more!” shouts the pilot. So they throw out a rifle. “More!” he cries again. They heave out a missile, and the pilot regains control. He pulls out of the dive and lands safely at an airport. They get into a jeep and drive off. Pretty soon they meet a boy on the side of the road who’s crying. They ask him why he’s crying and he says “A pistol hit me on the head!” They drive more and meet another boy who’s crying even harder. Again they ask why and the boy says, “A rifle hit me on the head!” They apologize and keep driving. They meet a boy on the sidewalk who’s laughing hysterically. They ask him, “Kid, what’s so funny?” The boy replies, “I sneezed and a house blew up!”
Vote: has 81.00 % from 405 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: kids, military
Dave and Jim were a couple of drinking buddies who worked as Aircraft mechanics in Melbourne. One day the airport was fogged in and they were stuck in the hangar with nothing to do.  Dave said, "Man, I wish we had something to drink!" Jim says, "Me too. Y'know, I've heard you can drink jet fuel and get a buzz. You wanna try it?"  So they pour themselves a couple of glasses of high octane booze and get completely smashed. The next morning Dave wakes up and is surprised at how good he feels. In fact he feels GREAT! NO hangover! NO bad side effects. Nothing!  Then the phone rings. It's Jim. Jim says, "Hey, how do you feel this morning?" Dave says, "I feel great, how about you?" Jim says, "I feel great, too. You don't have a hangover?" Dave says, "No that jet fuel is great stuff - no hangover, nothing. We ought to do this more often."  "Yeah, well there's just one thing." "What's that?" "Have you farted yet?" "No." "Well, DON'T! 'Cause I'm in Perth!"
Vote: has 81.00 % from 90 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: airplane, alcohol, fart, phone, work
Q: What did the scientist say when he found 2 isotopes of helium? A: HeHe
Vote: has 81.00 % from 90 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: chemistry, nerd, science
I love pressing F5. It's so refreshing.
Vote: has 80.99 % from 248 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: computer, technology
You know your f*cked when the Asian says, "shit", during the test.
Vote: has 80.98 % from 1289 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: racist, school
Who do you think would win in a fight? Godzilla or King Kong Neither, Chuck Norris doesn't let his pets fight!
Vote: has 80.98 % from 370 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: animal, Chuck Norris
When Chuck Norris crosses the pacific, swimming, sharks hear the "Jaws" music.
Vote: has 80.98 % from 77 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: Chuck Norris, music, travel