Me: "I love you." You: "Is that you or the wine talking?" Me: "It's me talking to the wine."
An elderly woman went to her doctor, complaining about not being able to hear out of one ear. The doctor then took his penlight, looked in her ear, then took his tweezers, reached in, and pulled something out. After examining the object for a second, he exclaimed, "Well...it seems you inserted a suppository into your ear...". The old lady thought for a second, then responded "Gee...I guess that explains why I can't find my hearing-aid...!".
You are so old, if you to acted your age, you'd die.
What is the ideal cockpit crew? A pilot and a dog. The pilot is there to feed the dog, and the dog is there to bite the pilot in case he tries to touch anything.
Contrary to what people say, you can indeed drink to relax. Of course sometimes, you get so calm, you cant move.
Chuck Norris can put out a fire using nothing but gasoline.
My attitude isn't bad. It's in beta.
Just the thought of using Chuck Norris in a war is considered a terrible crime against humanity.
Chuck Norris can sit in the shade...in an open field.
Chuck Norris will never have a heart attack. His heart isn't nearly foolish enough to attack him.