Google+ is the gym of social networking. We all join, but nobody actually uses it.
Chuck Norris threw rocks into the ocean and named them Hawaii
Q: Did you hear about the new movie "Constipation?" A: It hasn't come out yet.
Chuck Norris injected his blood into a monkey, a fish, and a lizard. They are now known as King Kong, Jaws, and Godzilla.
Little Johnny walks in on his parents having sex and asks, "What are you doing?" His father says, "We're playing cards, and your mother is my wild card." A week later, Little Johnny walks in on his father masturbating. He asks, "What are you doing?" His father says, "I'm playing cards." "Where's your wild card?" Johnny asks. His father replies, "Son, you don't need one when you've got a good hand."
Whoever said technology will replace paper has obviously never tried to wipe their butt with an iPad.
Yo mama is so fat every time she sits down they add another country to the map.
At Sunday School they were teaching how God created everything, including human beings. Little Johnny, a child in the Kindergarten class, seemed especially intent when they told him how Eve was created out of one of Adam's ribs. Later in the week his mother noticed him lying down as though he were ill, and asked, "Johnny, what is the matter?" Little Johnny groaned and responded , "I have a pain in my side. I think I'm going to have a wife."
Why did the Jews roam the desert for 400 years? Someone lost a quarter.
Yo momma so fat when she steps on a scale it says TO BE CONTINUED...