Q: Why do hippos have to have sex in water? A: Ever try to keep two tons of pussy wet?
A snail is walking down the road, when all of a sudden two turtles appear. They rough up the snail, take his money, and leave him for dead. Months later in the courtroom, after the two turtles have been arrested, the judge asks the snail to describe what happened on the night of the assault. The snail says, "Gee, I would love to, your honor, but it all happened so fast!"
Why did the frog cross the road? To see what the chicken was doing.
Why did the frog cross the road? Some mean little kid super-glued it to the chicken.
Why did the captain lose the yacht race? He found himself in a no-wind situation.
Alcohol is not the answer, it just makes you forget the question.
What’s a swimmer’s favourite sport? Pool.
Q. What did the blonde do when she heard that 90% of accidents occur around the home? A. She moved.
This bartender is in a bar, when this really hot chick walks up and says in a sexy seductive voice, "May I please speak to your manager?" He says, "Not right now, is there anything I can help you with?" She replies, "I don't know if your the man to talk to...its kind of personal..." Thinking he might get lucky, he goes, "I'm pretty sure I can handle your problem, miss." She then looks at him with a smile, and puts two of her fingers in his mouth...and he begins sucking them, thinking "I'm in!!!" She goes, "Can you give the manager something for me?" The bartender nods...yes. "Tell him there's no toilet paper in the ladies restroom."
What did the blonde call her pet zebra? Spot.