My tomcat used to stay out all night, so I took him to the vet and had him neutered.
Now he still stays out all night – it turns out he likes to watch!
Yo momma’s so ugly, when she takes her bra off she looks like she has four big toes.
Getting money out of my father was like taking candy from a baby.
He used to scream and cry like hell.
Yo Mama so old...
She's got the first autographed Koran.
Your momma so stanky...when she passes by the toilet it flushes!!!
Your momma so stupid, when I told her it was chilly outside she ran out with a spoon!
A herd of buffalo can move only as fast as the slowest buffalo, and when the herd is hunted, it is the slowest and weakest ones at the back that are killed first.
This natural selection is good for the herd as a whole because the general speed and health of the whole group keeps improving by the regular culling of the weakest members.
In much the same way the human brain can only operate as fast as the slowest brain cells.
Excessive intake of alcohol, we all know, kills brain cells, but naturally it attacks the slowest and weakest brain cells first.
In this way, regular consumption of beer eliminates the weaker brain
cells, making the brain a faster and more efficient machine.
That's why you always feel smarter after a few beers.
My wife and I have our little fights.
We had a fight last week.
Nothing much, only two police cars.
When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading.
Warning: Consumption of alcohol may lead you to believe that ex-lovers are really dying for you to telephone them at 4 in the morning.