Why did New Jersey get all the toxic waste and California all the lawyers?
New Jersey got to pick first.
My grandmother started walking five miles a day when she was 60.
She’s 97 now and we don’t know where the heck she is.
How do you join the police?
Handcuff them together.
Why are baseball players in trouble with the law so often?
They always hit and run.
Yo momma’s so stupid, she cooks with Old Spice.
Yo momma’s so fat, her chairs have seat belts.
Yo momma’s so ugly, her mom had to tie a steak around her neck to get the dog to play with her.
Whiskey is a great drink – it makes you see double and feel single.
My tomcat used to stay out all night, so I took him to the vet and had him neutered.
Now he still stays out all night – it turns out he likes to watch!
Yo momma’s so ugly, when she takes her bra off she looks like she has four big toes.