Knock Knock.
Who's There?
Justin.
Justin who?
Your justin time to wipe my ass!
Vote:
Q. What's the difference between tampons and cowboy hats?
A. Cowboy hats are for ass holes.
A willy is like a tree in your 20's its like a rock hard oak.
In your 30's & 40's its like a birch tree, flexible but reliable.
After your 50's its like a xmas tree, dead from the roots up & the balls are just there for decoration.
Chuck Norris won the World Series of Poker using Pokemon cards.
Vote:
Yo Mama's so loose it's like throwing a hotdog down a hallway.
There are 2 women getting ready to leave for work.
The brunette gets in the driver's seat and the blonde gets in the passenger's seat.
The brunette says: "We're late, so you watch out the back window for cops." As she speeds down the road she asks the blonde:
"So, do you see any cops?"
The blonde replies: "Yes!"
The brunette says: "Are they behind us?"
"Yes!"
"Are they close?"
"Yes!"
"Are they going to stop us?"
"I don't know!"
"Well, are their lights on?"
The blonde replies: "Yes, no, yes, no, yes, no...!
Question: How is a woman like a laxative?
Answer: They both irritate the shit out of you.
A guy about to tee off was approached by a man who held out a card that read, "I am a deaf mute.
May I please play through?"
The first man gave the card back, angrily shaking his head, and saying, "No, you CANNOT play through."
He assumed the guy read lips so he mouthed, "I can't believe you would try to use your handicap to your own advantage like that! Shame on you!"
The deaf man walked away and the first man whacked the ball onto the green and then walked off to finish the hole.
Just as he was about to put the ball into the hole he was hit in the head with a golf ball that knocked him out cold.
When he came to a few minutes later, he looked around and saw the deaf mute sternly looking at him, one hand on his hip, the other hand holding up four fingers.
Three boys were walking along the beach one day when they see a cave.
The first boy goes in and is looking at a banknote on a big rock when a ghostly voice calls out ''
I am the ghost of Auntie Abel and this five dollars stays on the table!''
The second boy goes in and is reaching for the money when the same thing happens again.
The third boy goes in ,sees the five dollars and cries out,''I am the ghost of David Crockett and this five dollars goes in my pocket!''
Life is an open door.
It can be closed at any time, so don’t complain about the draught.