They say animal behavior can warn you when an earthquake is coming.
Like the night before that last earthquake hit, our family dog took the car keys and drove to Arizona.
A man walks into a a bar, drinks a couple of beers, and prepares to leave.
The bartender tells him he owes $8.
"But I already paid you.
Don't you remember?" says the customer.
"OK," says the bartender, "if you say you paid, then I suppose you did."
The man goes outside and tells the first person he sees that the bartender can't keep track of whether his customers have paid or not.
The second man rushes in, orders a couple beers, and later pulls the same stunt.
The barkeep replies, "OK, if you say you paid, then I suppose you did."
The customer goes outside and tells a friend how to get free drinks.
The third man hurries into the bar and begins to drink highballs.
The bartender leans over and says, "You know, a funny thing happened tonight. Two men were drinking beer, neither paid, and both claimed they had.
The next guy who tries that stunt is going to get punched in the -- "
The man interrupts, "Don't bother me with your troubles, bartender.
Just give me my change and I'll be on my way."
There was a tragic end to the water polo championships – all the horses drowned.
What’s black and tan and looks great on a lawyer?
A Dobermann pinscher.
Q. What do you call two lesbians with their period?
A. Finger painting.
Vote:
Q: What's the difference between jews and boyscouts?
A: Boyscouts come back from their camp.
A hole has appeared in the ladies changing rooms at the sports club.
Police are looking into it.
Chuck Norris' tears cure cancer.
Too bad he has never cried.
Ever.
Vote:
How do most men define marriage?
A very expensive way to get your laundry done free.
Growing up, Samuel L. Jackson didn't have a mother and a father.
He had a mother and a motherf*cker.