Why do orphans like playing tennis? Because it's the only love they get.
Chuck Norris asked his script writer for more dialogue and the script writer said "Chuck you mean more grunting?"
What do they call a woman who works as hard as a man? Answer: “Lazy.”
You WILL be a winner today. Pick a fight with a four-year-old.
The Chuck Norris military unit was not used in the game Civilization 4, because a single Chuck Norris could defeat the entire combined nations of the world in one turn.
Q: Why did the boy come first in the 100 metre sprint? A: He had athlete's foot.
Yo' Mama is so fat, you have to slap her thigh and ride the wave in to have sex with her.
Yo' Mama is so skanky, when yo' daddy suggested doggie style, she laid down and licked her balls.
If you ask Chuck Norris what time it is, he always says, "Two seconds 'till." After you ask, "Two seconds 'til what?" he roundhouse kicks you in the face.
A doctor and a lawyer were attending a cocktail party when the doctor was approached by a man who asked advice on how to handle his ulcer. The doctor mumbled some medical advice, then turned to the lawyer and asked, "How do you handle the situation when you are asked for advice during a social function?" "Just send an account for such advice" replied the lawyer. On the next morning the doctor arrived at his surgery and issued the ulcer-stricken man a $50 account. That afternoon he received a $100 account from the lawyer.