The Great Wall of China was originally created to keep Chuck Norris out. It failed miserably.
If you ask Chuck Norris what time it is, he always says, "Two seconds 'till." After you ask, "Two seconds 'til what?" he roundhouse kicks you in the face.
A doctor and a lawyer were attending a cocktail party when the doctor was approached by a man who asked advice on how to handle his ulcer. The doctor mumbled some medical advice, then turned to the lawyer and asked, "How do you handle the situation when you are asked for advice during a social function?" "Just send an account for such advice" replied the lawyer. On the next morning the doctor arrived at his surgery and issued the ulcer-stricken man a $50 account. That afternoon he received a $100 account from the lawyer.
The organizers of the concert complain to the conductor of a choir: You were supposed to bring a mixed choir, but I can see only men here. But it is a mixed choir – half of them know how to sing, and the other half- do not.
Chuck Norris ordered a Big Mac at Burger King and got one.
Yo mama so ugly that the football team yelled at her to get out of the bus.
Underneath China it says "Made in Chuck Norris".
When Chuck Norris makes a burrito, its main ingredient is real toes.
I hope the children will never find out why I say "oops..." so often when I vacuum their rooms.
What do you call two Mexicans playing basketball? Juan on Juan.