A woman’s husband had been slipping in and out of a coma for several months, yet she had stayed by his bedside every single day.
One day, when he came to, he motioned for her to come nearer.
As she sat by him, he whispered, eyes full of tears, “You know what?
You have been with me all through the bad times.
When I got fired, you were there to support me.
When my business failed, you were there.
When I got shot, you were by my side. When we lost the house, you stayed right here.
When my health started failing, you were still by my side.
You know what?”
“What dear?” she asked gently, smiling as her heart began to fill with warmth.
”I think you’re bad luck.”
What’s it called when a woman is paralysed from the waist down?
Marriage.
Computers make very fast, very accurate mistakes.
What do you call a room full of women, half with PMS, half with yeast infections?
A whine and cheese party.
When taking the SAT, write "Chuck Norris" for every answer.
You will score a 1600.
The cop got out of his car and the kid, who was stopped for speeding, rolled down his window.
“I’ve been waiting for you all day,” the cop said.
The kid replied, “Yeah, well I got here as fast as I could.”
When the cop finally stopped laughing, he sent the kid on his way without a ticket.
If Clint Eastwood told Chuck Norris to get off his lawn...
Chuck would get the hell off his lawn!
Yo Mama has touched more knobs then the gas man.
What came first, the chicken or the egg?
Chuck Norris came first.
They once made a "Chuck Norris" brand toilet paper, but it wouldn't take shit from anybody.