Q: Why are men like diapers? A: They are always on your ass and full of sh*t, and thankfully, they're disposable.
I am currently experiencing an out-of-money experience.
A snail goes into a bar and orders a beer. The barman says 'Sorry we don't serve snails' and throws him out. A couple of weeks later the snail goes into the bar again and says... 'What did you do that for!'
A policeman spots a woman driving and knitting at the same time. Driving up beside her, he shouts out the window... "Pull over!" "No," she shouts back, "a pair of socks!"
There is no theory of evolution, just a list of creatures Chuck Norris allows to live.
The early bird might get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.
Chuck Norris is the only man to ever defeat a brick wall in a game of tennis.
Two small boys, not yet old enough to be in school, were overheard talking at the zoo one day. "My name is Billy. What's yours?" asked the first boy. "Tommy," replied the second. "My Daddy's an accountant. What does your Daddy do for a living?" asked Billy. Tommy replied, "My Daddy's a lawyer." "Honest?" asked Billy. "No, just the regular kind", replied Tommy.
You realize that you are dependent of the internet when: You forget in what year you are. You get out from you’re room and you discover that you’re parent moved and you don’t even know when that happened. You dream only of quick connections. You open you’re interphone when you get out from you’re room so you can hear when you get an e-mail.
Two old soldiers, Fred and Harry, are sitting in their club. Harry turns to Fred and says, ‘When was the last time you made love to a woman?’ Fred thinks for a moment then says, ‘1947.’ ‘Good heavens,’ says Harry. ‘That’s a very long time ago.’ ‘Not reall