When you break a leg it is actually not your leg that is broken.
It´s Chuck Norris´s leg.
He owns everything including you and your pityful leg.
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What do you call a rabbit who works in a bakery?
A yeaster bunny.
Chuck Norris is ten feet tall, weighs two-tons, breathes fire, and could eat a hammer and take a shotgun blast standing.
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If Chuck Norris was here in the Philippines, there would be no hostage crisis.
He eats hostage-takers for breakfast!
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Yo Mama's so loose it's like throwing a hotdog down a hallway.
There are 2 women getting ready to leave for work.
The brunette gets in the driver's seat and the blonde gets in the passenger's seat.
The brunette says: "We're late, so you watch out the back window for cops." As she speeds down the road she asks the blonde:
"So, do you see any cops?"
The blonde replies: "Yes!"
The brunette says: "Are they behind us?"
"Yes!"
"Are they close?"
"Yes!"
"Are they going to stop us?"
"I don't know!"
"Well, are their lights on?"
The blonde replies: "Yes, no, yes, no, yes, no...!
Question: How is a woman like a laxative?
Answer: They both irritate the shit out of you.
A pick pocket was up in court for a series of petty crimes.
The judge said "Mr. Banks you are hereby fined $100."
The lawyer stood up and said "Thanks, my lord, however my client only has $75 on him at this time, but if you'd allow him a few minutes in the crowd. . ."
A blonde was bragging about her knowledge of state capitals.
She proudly says, "Go ahead, ask me, I know all of them."
A friend says, "O.K., "What's the capital of Wisconsin?"
The blonde replies, "Oh, that's easy, W."
Yo mamma is so fat, when she went on a cruise, a walrus jumped aboard and started singing 'we are family'.