Chuck Norris knows what the secret crabby patty recipe is.
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Chuck Norris invented Kentucky Fried Chicken's famous secret recipe, with eleven herbs and spices.
But nobody ever mentions the twelfth ingredient: Fear.
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The only apocolypse that can happen is if bogyman insults Chuck Norris.
The whole universe goes to hell.
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Yo mama is so ugly, Bob the Builder said: '' holy fuck we can't fix that.''
This guy was having a problem with mice in his apartment.
"Dude," he told a friend, "I've tried everything and those damn mice keep coming back."
"I had the same thing man," his friend says.
"All you have to do is stuff steel wool in their little holes."
"That's it?" the guy asked.
"I'll do it tonight if it means getting rid of the damn rodents."
About a week later the guy gets a call.
"How's it going with the mice, buddy?"
"Not so good, dude."
"What's the problem?" his friend asks.
"To be honest, I'm having a lot of trouble holding their little legs apart."
Tom, Frank, and Harry are fishing in a boat.
Frank stands up to get a beer, loses his balance, falls in the lake, and dissapears.
After a few minutes, and no sign of Frank, Tom tells Harry he better go in after him.
Harry drags him into the boat and notices hes not breathing.
"Better give him mouth-to-mouth" says Tom.
"Whew! I don't remember him having this bad of breath!" says Harry.
Tom replies, "Oh yeah, well I don't remember him wearing a snowmobile suit!"
A man entered the bus with both of his front pockets full of golf balls, and sat down next to of all people a beautiful, you guessed it, blonde.
The blonde kept looking quizzically at him and his bulging pockets.
Finally, after many such glances from her, he said, "It's golf balls."
Nevertheless, the blonde continued to look at him thoughtfully and finally, not being able to contain her curiosity any longer, asked, "Does it hurt as much as tennis elbow?"
At the cocktail party, one woman said to another, “Aren't you wearing your wedding ring on the wrong finger?”
The other replied, “Yes, I am, I married the wrong man.”
Chuck Norris doesn't throw up if he drinks too much.
Chuck Norris throws down!
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Yo momma’s so ugly, people make jokes about her.