Husband: What have you been doing with all the grocery money I gave you? Wife: Turn sideways and look in the mirror.
Two lawyers are walking down the road when they see a beautiful woman walking towards them. ‘What a babe,’ one says. ‘I’d sure like to screw her!’ ‘Really?’ replies the other. ‘Out of what?’
Why do milking stools only have three legs? 'Cause the cow's got the udder!
Yo' Mama is so fat, she got stuck in the great outdoors.
In primitive society, when native tribes beat the ground with clubs and yelled, it was called witchcraft. In today’s civilized society, it is called golf.
A boxer had written on his tombstone: "You can stop counting. I'm not getting up."
What's grosser than gross? A bloody mary with curly, brittle hairs in it!
How do you get a lawyer out of a tree? Cut the rope.
Yo momma is so fat, that the last time she farted, a director came up with the movie "Twister".
A Woman asks a Waiter What is this fly doing in my Ice cream? The waiter says, "SHIVERING MADAM".