Chuck Norris doesn't drive a car he walks.
Yo momma’s so fat, her ass has its own congressman.
An old man and his wife are having their first argument after many years of marriage. He says, ‘When we got married, you promised to love, honour and obey!’ ‘I know,’ replies his wife. ‘But I didn’t want to start an argument in front of all those people.’
Stevie: Hey, Mom, I got a hundred in school today! Mom: That’s great. What in? Stevie: A 40 in Reading and a 60 in Spelling.
My sister was with two men in one night. She could hardly walk after that. Can you imagine? Two dinners!
“Honey,” said this husband to his wife, “I invited a friend home for supper.” “What? Are you crazy? The house is a mess, I haven’t been shopping, all the dishes are dirty, and I don’t feel like cooking a fancy meal!” “I know all that.” “Then why did you invite a friend for supper?” “Because the poor fool’s thinking about getting married.”
A young man wanted to get his beautiful blonde wife something nice for their first wedding anniversary. So he decides to buy her a cell phone. She is all excited - she loves her phone. He shows her and explains to her all the features on the phone. The next day the blonde goes shopping. Her phone rings and it's her husband. "Hi Hon," he says. "How do you like your new phone?" She replies, "I just love it. It's so small and your voice is clear as a bell. There's one thing I don't understand though." "What's that, baby?" asks the husband. "How did you know I was at Wal-Mart?"
What did the cannibal say when he came home and found his wife chopping up a python and a pygmy? Oh no, not snake and pygmy pie again!
I'm a blonde! I'm a blonde, yay! B-L-O...? I'm a blonde, yay!
Yo momma's so fat and old when God said, "Let there be light," he asked your mother to move out of the way.