What do you call a nigger in a tree with a briefcase? Branch manager.
Q: How do you circumcise a whale? A: With four skin-divers.
There's something actionable in your pants.
Luke: Why did the M&M go to school? Stan: I’m stumped. Luke: Because he really wanted to be a Smartie!
An Israeli soldier who just enlisted asked the Commanding Officer for a 3-day pass. The CO says "Are you crazy? You just join the Israeli army, and you already want a 3-day pass? You must do something spectacular for that recognition!" So the soldier comes back a day later in an Arab tank! The CO was so impressed, he asked "How did you do it?" "Well, I jumped in a tank, and went toward the border with the Arabs. I approached the border, and saw an Arab tank. I put my white flag up, the Arab tank put his white flag up. I said to the Arab soldier, "Do you want to get a three-day pass? So we exchanged tanks!"
The cops pulled Chuck Norris over for going 55 miles per hour on the freeway. But since he wasn't in a car, they had to give him a ticket for jaywalking.
Never underestimate the power of a small tactical nuclear weapon.
Q: What do you call a bunch of black people running up a hill? A: Backed up sewage.
Why couldnt the teddy bear eat any more thanksgiving dinner? He was already stuffed!
What’s the difference between a nigger and a pizza? Pizza doesn’t scream in the roaster!