When taking the SAT, write "Chuck Norris" for every answer. You will score a 1600.
The cop got out of his car and the kid, who was stopped for speeding, rolled down his window. “I’ve been waiting for you all day,” the cop said. The kid replied, “Yeah, well I got here as fast as I could.” When the cop finally stopped laughing, he sent the kid on his way without a ticket.
If Clint Eastwood told Chuck Norris to get off his lawn... Chuck would get the hell off his lawn!
Yo Mama has touched more knobs then the gas man.
What came first, the chicken or the egg? Chuck Norris came first.
They once made a "Chuck Norris" brand toilet paper, but it wouldn't take shit from anybody.
Ted and Julie go to bed with each other for the first time. Julie: "I should warn you, Ted -- I've got acute angina." Ted: "Your breasts aren't bad either."
What do you call a black guy selling drugs? A pharmacist.
What do you buy a dead baby for its birthday? A dead puppy!
Why did the Irishman wear two condoms? To be sure, to be sure.