Q: What do women and cats have in common? A: Pussy farts.
The best thing about Alzheimer's Disease is that you get to meet so many new people.
Wife to husband: ‘I need a new dress.’ Husband: ‘What’s wrong with the dress you’ve got?’ Wife: ‘It’s too long and the veil keeps getting in my eyes.’
At the grammy awards Beyonce said to Justin Bieber, "What song would u sing of mine justin?" Justin said, "If I were a boy."
Two fags are on a picnic,and the first guy says,"I have to take a dumpski,"and he walks into the woods to do it. Several minutes later,the other guy hears the first guy crying "Boo Hoo,I Had A Miscarriage. I Had A Miscarriage." He runs into the woods to see what is going on. When he gets there,the first guy is still crying,"Boo-Hoo I Had a Miscarriage... He looks down and says,"Don't be silly. You didn't have a miscarraige. You had diarrhea on a toad."
I love blacks. It's a pitty they are not being traded anymore...
I hated my job as an origami teacher. Too much paperwork.
Why do you unload a truck full of babies with a pitchfork? So you can tell which ones are still alive.
Woman patient: "Doctor I was suffering so much that I wanted to die." Doctor: "You did the right thing to call me."
‘I’ve found the secret of eternal youth. I lie about my age.’ Bob Hope How many boring people does it take to change a light bulb? One.