What came first, the chicken or the egg? Chuck Norris came first.
They once made a "Chuck Norris" brand toilet paper, but it wouldn't take shit from anybody.
Q: Where did OP go in the explosion? A: Everywhere.
Ted and Julie go to bed with each other for the first time. Julie: "I should warn you, Ted -- I've got acute angina." Ted: "Your breasts aren't bad either."
What do you call a black guy selling drugs? A pharmacist.
What do you buy a dead baby for its birthday? A dead puppy!
Why did the Irishman wear two condoms? To be sure, to be sure.
A man being mugged by two thugs put up a tremendous fight! Finally, the thugs subdued him and took his wallet. Upon finding only two dollars in the wallet, the surprised thug said "Why did you put up such a fight?" To which the man promptly replied "I was afraid that you would find the $200 hidden in my shoe!"
Chuck Norris, Mr T and Arnold Swieznigger died in a plane crash they got to heavens door way and god asked them what there business is. Arnold replied "I want to be your right hand man". Mr T said "I wanna be your left hand man". Chuck Norris said "get the fuck out of my chair".
What's red and dances all around? A baby on a barbecue