A man once insulted Chuck Norris by saying he was smarter than him.
That man was Stephen Hawking.
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Chuck Norris knows what the secret crabby patty recipe is.
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Chuck Norris invented Kentucky Fried Chicken's famous secret recipe, with eleven herbs and spices.
But nobody ever mentions the twelfth ingredient: Fear.
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The only apocolypse that can happen is if bogyman insults Chuck Norris.
The whole universe goes to hell.
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Two men were talking about their wives.
First: "I'm a teacher whenever we are in bed my wife says repeat please."
Second: "I'm a driver when we are sexing she thinks I'm in a gas station so she screws my dick and says: 'fill it up super!'"
Chuck Norris can set the oven to cold.
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What's the difference between a dead dog in the road and a dead nigga in the road?
The dead dog has skid marks in front of it.
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Q: What’s the difference between a Catholic priest and a zit?
A: At least a zit waits until you’re a teenager before it cums on your face!
In high school, teachers had to raise up their hand to speak to Chuck Norris.
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Woman delivers baby.
Doctor takes the baby, and throws it, smashing around the hospital room, drop-kicking it, etc.
Mother starts freaking out, being held back by nurses, begging "WHY!?"
Doctor holds baby upside down by the ankle and says "I'm just fucking with you, it was born dead".