A guy sits down at the bar and orders drink after drink rapidly. “Is everything okay, pal?”, the bartender asks. “My wife and I got into a fight and she said she isn’t talking to me for a month!”. Trying to put a positive spin on things, the bartender says, “Well, maybe that’s kind of a good thing. You know, a little peace and quiet?” “Yeah. But today is the last day”.
Why are blonde jokes so short? So men can remember them.
What's the difference between an old cat and a baby kitten? An old cat scratches and bites but a little pussy never hurt anybody!
The grass is always greener on the other side, unless Chuck Norris has been there. In that case the grass is most likely soaked in blood and tears.
How do you get 100 babies into a bucket? With a blender!
Yo momma's so fat; she's got her own zip code!
Some people like to eat frogs' legs. Chuck Norris likes to eat lizard legs. Hence, snakes.
If Chuck Norris was a villian in a video game, you'll never win. But if he was the hero, it's unplayable; because no one controls Chuck Norris.
There was a crooked woman, who ran a crooked mile. She found a crooked Weiner, who always made her smile. She belongs in prison, for she is just a crook. And if you don't believe me, you can read it in her book.
Brrr! My hands are cold. Can I warm them in your heaving breasts?