There was once a ship that wouldn't let chuck norris on board. It is now known as titanic
Two blonde football fans are walking along the road when one of them picks up a mirror. He looks in it and says, 'Hey, I know that person!' The second one picks it up and says, 'Of course you do, you idiot, it's me'.
What is the best job in a country which is war-prone? "Foreign ambassador."
Q: How many sheep do you need to make a sweater? A: I don’t know. I didn’t think sheep could knit!
Chuck Norris had his first job as a paperboy. "There were no survivors."
Q: Did you hear about the couple that "96ed?" A: After they "69ed" they rolled over and sh*t in each other's hair.
In reality, only Chuck Norris is allowed to sing "We are the Champions". He has no time for losers. He will rock you.
Chuck Norris found the end of a rainbow. The leprachuan said he couldn't have the gold. So he roundhouse kicked him in the face.
Chuck Norris doesn’t swim, we beats the water into submission.
In the medical community, death is referred to as "Chuck Norris Disease".