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Q: Why did Frosty the Snowman want a divorce? A: He thought his wife was a flake.
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More jokes about: divorce, marriage, wife
They are a fastidious couple. She’s fast and he’s hideous.
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Yo Mamma's mouth is like a pool table balls go in balls go out she gets paid and there is a new player every day.
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Chuck Norris only mast*rbates to pictures of Chuck Norris.
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I’ve got one those special filter programmes on my Internet access. It’s really handy, it blocks out everything except porn sites.
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More jokes about: IT
He’s been hitting the bottle for years. He’ll be two tomorrow.
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Your mamma's so fat, when she backs up, she beeps!
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Yo momma’s so ugly, the last time she heard a whistle she got hit by a train.
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How many men does it take to screw in a light bulb? ONE......He just holds it up there and waits for the world to revolve around him.
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More jokes about: light bulb, men
One day Bill complained to his friend that his elbow really hurt. His friend suggested that he go to a computer at the drug store that can diagnose anything quicker and cheaper than a doctor. "Simply put in a sample of your urine and the computer will diagnose your problem and tell you what you can do about it. It only costs $10." Bill figured he had nothing to lose, so he filled a jar with a urine sample and went to the drug store. Finding the computer, he poured in the sample and deposited the $10. The computer started making some noise and various lights started flashing. After a brief pause out popped a small slip of paper on which was printed: "You have tennis elbow. Soak your arm in warm water. Avoid heavy lifting. It will be better in two weeks." Later that evening while thinking how amazing this new technology was and how it would change medical science forever, he began to wonder if this machine could be fooled. He mixed together some tap water, a stool sample from his dog and urine samples from his wife and daughter. To top it off, he masturbated into the concoction. He went back to the drug store, located the machine, poured in the sample and deposited the $10. The computer again made the usual noise and printed out the following message: "Your tap water is too hard. Get a water softener. Your dog has worms. Get him vitamins. Your daughter is using cocaine. Put her in a rehabilitation clinic. Your wife is pregnant with twin girls. They aren't yours. Get a lawyer. And if you don't stop jerking off, your tennis elbow will never get better."
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More jokes about: health, IT, medical, money, time