Yo momma’s so fat, her chairs have seat belts.
Yo' Mama is so fat, she uses transport trucks as roller skates.
Two hunters shot a deer, and were dragging him to the car by the hind leg, which was difficult because the other legs kept snagging in the brush.
"Chet, I've got an idea, I think we are doing this wrong. Let's try dragging him by the horns, like we were advised by the ammo-store salesman."
"OK," says Ivan.
After a while, Ivan says, "I think this is a lot better because his legs fold up and don't get caught in the brush, but we seem to be getting farther from the car."
Chuck Norris broke the world record for most punches in a minute with one roundhouse kick.
Vote:
What’s the difference between a hooker and a lawyer?
The hooker will stop screwing you when you’re dead.
Yo momma’s so ugly, her dentist treats her by mail order.
What I want to know is how did a fool and his money get together in the first place?
I drink so much alcohol I’m afraid to smoke.
What do you call a smart blonde?
A Golden Retriever.
Warning: Consumption of alcohol may actually cause pregnancy.