When Chuck Norris eats dinner at a restaurant, the wait staff tips him.
One day, a young boy was asked by his teacher to tell him what the chemical formula for water was. The boy replied with "H-I-J-K-L-M-N-O". The Teacher was stunned. "That's not right, how did you come up with that?" The boy said, "Last week you said it was H2O!"
Piranhas in the aquarium: sink your finger, lose your finger-game!
Yo mama so fat when you have sex with her you have to slap her stomach and ride the wave in.
Coffee doesn't wake up Chuck Norris. Chuck Norris wakes coffee up.
Crop Circles are Chuck Norris's preschool art projects.
Chuck Norris has found what U2 are looking for.
A lady goes to the doctor, and says: "Doc, I have this smell about me that I can't get rid of no matter what I do. Can you help me?" The doctor says, "yeah I can help you but I'll have to examine you. You'll have to take all your clothes off first." So the lady takes her clothes off. Right away the doctor says, "hold on, I'll be right back." A couple minutes later he comes back with an 8-foot stick that has a little hook on the end of it. The lady says, "oh doctor, what str going to do with that?" And the doctor says, as he's going through the movements of opening a high window, "well I'm going to open the window, it smells like shit in here."
How are women and linoleum floors alike? You lay them right the first time and you can walk all over them for the next 20 years.