Yo momma mouth so big, she speaks in surround sound.
Golfer: "Do you think my game is improving?"
Caddy: "Yes sir, you miss the ball much closer now."
Another one was: Doc, I can't stop singing the 'Green Green Grass of Home'.
He said: 'That sounds like Tom Jones syndrome'. 'Is it common?'I asked.
'It's not unusual' he replied.
A guy dies and is sent to Hell.
Satan meets him, shows him doors to three rooms, and says he must choose one to spend eternity in.
In the first room, people are standing in shit up to their necks.
The guy says "no, let me see the next room."
In the second room, people are standing with shit up to their noses.
Guy says no again.
Finally, Satan opens the door to the third room.
People are standing with shit up to their knees, drinking coffee and eating danish pastries.
The guy says, "I pick this room."
Satan says okay and starts to leave, and the guy wades in and starts pouring some coffee. On the way out Satan yells, "O.K., coffee break's over.
Everyone back on your heads!"
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Chuck Norris doesn't use GUI, he prefers the command line.
Why do nigger's have nightmares?
Because the last one that had a dream got shot.
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How do you keep 5 black guys from raping a white girl?
Throw them a basketball.
Chuck Norris doesn't look both ways before he crosses the street... he just roundhouses any cars that get too close.
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Q: What's red, white, and cries a lot?
A: A baby with a razor!
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Q: What's the difference between a cook and a gay?
A: The cook stirs today's lunch, whereas the gay stirs yesterday's dinner.
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