Do you know how Hitler tied his tennis shoes? In little Natzie's.
Chuck Norris has no need for a TV remote. He stares at his television, until it changes the channel.
If you don't know who your father is, odds are it's Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris doesn't need a theme song because, you won't hear anything once your roundhouse kicked in the face.
During the Vietnam War, Chuck Norris allowed himself to be captured. For torture, they made him eat his own entrails. He asked for seconds.
In a fight between Batman and Darth Vader, the winner would be Chuck Norris.
The AC/DC song "Highway to Hell" is about Chuck Norris' driveway.
Once upon a time, in a far away land, a beautiful independent, confident princess met a frog, while sitting and considering the environmental issues of the world, at the side of an infected lake, in a very green meadow, near her castle. The frog jumped on princess’ knees and said: "My sweet lady, once I was a handsome prince, until an evil witch cursed me. I f you kiss me, however, I will become again that graceful prince I once was. Then, my sweety, we will get married and we will live in your castle, and you will cook for me, you will wash my clothes, and you will give birth to my childre and you will feel so happy and graceful for being able to do all these things forever!" That night, the princess enjoying her nice cooked frog legs, she chuckled inside and thought: "...and then he woke up."
Chuck Norris's tombstone will say, "He's finally taking a nap, do not wake."
Three men are sitting at a campfire telling stories about their great endeavors. The first man talked about how to sucked out the venom of a snake and sucked it up with 50 degree alcohol. The second man called it a circus trick as he has gotten 3 gunshots towards the chest and he but the guns in half. They looked at the third guy wanting to hear his story. Only to see him stroking his cock with the glowing hot coals.