Chuck Norris can divide by zero. 
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Chuck Norris once won a Scrabble tournament despite getting only Z's and Q's in his rack.
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Michael Jordan is the greatest basketball player of all-time because Chuck Norris never played.
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What was going through the minds of all of Chuck Norris' victims before they died?
His shoe.
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What's the last thing that goes through your mind when you fight Chuck Norris?
His foot.
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Chuck Norris decided 50 years of Micheal Jackson was enough
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Chuck Norris uses the lethal injection to have a 5min nap.
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Chuck Norris's favourite drink is diamond juice, which he squeezes out of raw diamonds with his bare hands.
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Chuck Norris doesn't Tivo television programs.
They come on when HE wants them to.
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Chuck Norris gives poison ivy a rash.
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Chuck Norris can open PDF files with Microsoft Excel.
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