Question: Why did the Army send do many women with PMS to the Persian Gulf? Answer: They fought like animals and retained water for 4 days.
What's funner then nailing bin Laden to a tree? Feeding his lifeless corpse into a meat grinder.
Men are like.....Vacations. They never seem to be long enough.
Always talk to your wife when you’re making love – assuming there’s a phone handy.
Chuck Norris can divide by zero.
The trouble with some women is that they get all excited about nothing – and then they marry him.
A blonde phoned police to report that thieves had been in her car. "They've stolen the dashboard, the steering wheel, the brake pedal, even the accelerator," she cried out. However, before the police investigation could start, the phone rang a second time and the same voice came over the line. "Never mind, I got in the back seat by mistake."
Your fart's so loud, astronauts in space mistook your fart for a message from Houston!
"Hello" "Hello" "Is that you, James?" "Yes, this is James." "Are you sure this is James." "Yes I'm sure, this is James!" "This is Robert... can you lend me twenty dollars?" "I'll tell James when he comes in."
Q: Did you hear Lorena Bobbitt was almost killed in a traffic accident? A: Some dick cut her off.