Chuck Norris sent Jesus a birthday card on December 25th and it wasn't Jesus birthday.
Jesus was to scared to correct Chuck Norris and to this day December 25th is known as Jesus' birthday. 
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The holiday season: A deeply religious time that each of us observes, in his own way, by going to the mall of his choice.
A patient: "Doctor, I don’t feel hungry after taking meal."
Doctor: "Really, your condition is very serious. Wait a bit."
(After sometime, the doctor holds out some medicines).
Doctor: "Take these pills. You take one pill after your sleep and another one before you get-up."
Chuck Norris doesn't try to find clowns they try to find him.
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YO MAMA IS SO STUPID SHE GOT FIRED FROM A BL*W JOB.
Chuck Norris can travel a negative distance.
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Chuck Norris can cash two party, out of state checks with no ID, or else!
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Why do orphans like playing tennis?
Because it's the only love they get.
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North America, few hundred years ago.
An indian is sitting, smokes a pipe.
Breathes in, breathes out.
His son comes up to him:
Daddy, I have a question
Well, what is it?
Why do we have such long names?
Yankees, for example, have much shorter ones - John, Simon, Nicolas and similar.
Our names come from nature.
When your mother was born, there was a wonderful dew, so that is why she is called Fresh Dew.
When your sister was born, there was a brilliant sunset.
So that why she got the name Red Sunset.
So, do you have any more questions, Fucking Bison?
When Chuck Norris has a heart attack, he attacks back.
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