Best jokes ever

Q: What did the elf say was the first step in using a Christmas computer? A: "First, YULE LOGon"!
Vote: has 43.61 % from 27 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: Christmas, computer, elf, nerd
Boy: “Isn’t the principal a dummy!” Girl: “Say, do you know who I am?” Boy: “No.” Girl: “I’m the principal’s daughter.” Boy: “And do you know who I am?” Girl: “No,” Boy: “Thank goodness!”
Vote: has 43.61 % from 27 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: school
Q: Why are black people, pirates? A: Because they go nigarrr.
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More jokes about: black people, pirate, racist
A farmer was driving along the road with a load of fertilizer. A little boy, playing in front of his house, saw him and called, "What've you got in your truck?" "Fertilizer," the farmer replied. "What are you going to do with it?" asked the little boy. "Put it on strawberries," answered the farmer. "You ought to live here," the little boy advised him. "We put sugar and cream on ours."
Vote: has 43.58 % from 55 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: dirty, food
Death is God’s way of saying, ‘Hey, you’re not alive any more.’
Vote: has 43.55 % from 53 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: black humor
Chuck Norris counted to infinity - twice.
Vote: has 43.52 % from 29 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: Chuck Norris, math
Q: What book do women like the most? A: "Their husbands checkbook!"
Vote: has 43.52 % from 51 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: dirty, husband, women
How can you tell if your girlfriend’s frigid? When you open her legs, the lights go on.
Vote: has 43.52 % from 51 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: sex
A guy walks into a Raptors bar with a dachshund under his arm. The dog is wearing a "Toronto Raptors" jersey and helmet, and is festooned with "Raptors" pom-poms. The bartender says: "Hey! No pets are allowed in here! You'll have to leave!" The guy begs him: "Look, I'm desperate. We're both big fans, the TV is broken, and this is the only place around where we can see the game!" After securing a promise that the dog will behave, and warning him that he and the dog will be thrown out if there's any trouble, the bartender relents and allows them to stay in the bar and watch the game. The big game begins and Vince Carter does a great slum dunk. With that the dog jumps up on the bar, and begins walking up and down the bar giving high-fives to everyone. The bartender says: "Wow, that is the most amazing thing I've ever seen! What does the dog do if Raptors win?" The owner replies: "I don't know, I've only had him for a half year."
Vote: has 43.52 % from 51 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: animal, bar, bartender, dog, game
A housewife buys a parrot to keep her company during the day. The clerk warns that the parrot was donated by a brothel, where he may have picked up some colorful language. The housewife doesn't mind and brings the parrot home. When she uncovers the cage, the parrot says, "Brawkk! New Madam. Hello Madam." When her three daughters come home from school, the parrot says, "Brawkk! New Girls. Hello Girls." Finally, her husband, Phil, comes home from work, just in time for dinner. When he walks past the parrot, the parrot says, "Brawkk! Hi Phil!"
Vote: has 43.49 % from 49 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: marriage, parrot