Chuck Norris sent Jesus a birthday card on December 25th and it wasn't Jesus birthday. Jesus was to scared to correct Chuck Norris and to this day December 25th is known as Jesus' birthday.
The holiday season: A deeply religious time that each of us observes, in his own way, by going to the mall of his choice.
A patient: "Doctor, I don’t feel hungry after taking meal." Doctor: "Really, your condition is very serious. Wait a bit." (After sometime, the doctor holds out some medicines). Doctor: "Take these pills. You take one pill after your sleep and another one before you get-up."
Chuck Norris doesn't try to find clowns they try to find him.
YO MAMA IS SO STUPID SHE GOT FIRED FROM A BL*W JOB.
Chuck Norris can travel a negative distance.
Chuck Norris can cash two party, out of state checks with no ID, or else!
Why do orphans like playing tennis? Because it's the only love they get.
North America, few hundred years ago. An indian is sitting, smokes a pipe. Breathes in, breathes out. His son comes up to him: Daddy, I have a question Well, what is it? Why do we have such long names? Yankees, for example, have much shorter ones - John, Simon, Nicolas and similar. Our names come from nature. When your mother was born, there was a wonderful dew, so that is why she is called Fresh Dew. When your sister was born, there was a brilliant sunset. So that why she got the name Red Sunset. So, do you have any more questions, Fucking Bison?
When Chuck Norris has a heart attack, he attacks back.