William: May I have some money for the man crying outside ? Mum: What crying man ? William: The one that's crying, 'Ice cream! Ice Cream !'
Driving to work, a gentlman had to swerve to avoid a box that fell out of a truck in front of him. Seconds later, a policeman pulled him over for reckless driving. Fortunately, another officer had seen the carton in the road. The policmen stopped traffic and recovered the box. It was found to contain large upholstery tacks. "I'm sorry sir," the first trooper told the driver, "but I am still going to have to write you a ticket." Amazed, the driver asked for what. The trooper replied, "Tacks evasion."
Q: Why is it so hot at Phillies games? A: Because there's not a fan in the place.
Where do Danish cows come from? Cowpenhagenf.
How many students does it take to change a light bulb? None, Light bulb changing isn't in the course notes.
Men are like.....Laxatives. They irritate the shit out of you.
What do you get if you cross a longhorn with a knight? Sir Loin.
Chad: Why do magicians do so well in school? Josh: I don’t know. Why? Chad: They’re good at trick questions.
Waiter, what is this stuff? That's bean salad sir. I know what it's been, but what is it now?
Yo' Mama is so stupid, she called the police to report a suspicious looking person lurking in her mirror.