Best jokes ever

Can I borrow that book of yours How To Become A Millionaire? Sure. Here you are. Thanks - but half the pages are missing. What's the matter? Isn't half a million enough for you?
Vote: has 31.56 % from 11 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: money
Smith was hit by a car, died, and went to heaven. And everyone who goes to heaven has to work. God went up to Smith, and said: Smith, you are going to make babies. Here is this wheel, and every time you turn it, a baby will come out. For hours, Smith spun the wheel at full speed, then he started to get tired. As he was slowing down, a black baby came out...and Smith said: **** I better hurry because they are burning."
Vote: has 31.45 % from 47 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: baby, black humor, car, death, heaven
How do you prepare a dead baby for Valentine's Day? You shove a box of chocolates down his throat and a bouquet of roses up his ass.
Vote: has 31.40 % from 39 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: black humor, chocolate, dead baby, morbid, Valentines day
What's red and lies in all four corners of the room? A baby that's been playing with a chainsaw.
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More jokes about: baby, disgusting
An army major visits the sick soldiers, goes up to one private and asks: "What's your problem, Soldier?" "Chronic syphilis, Sir" "What treatment are you getting?" "Five minutes with the wire brush each day." "What's your ambition?" "To get back to the front, Sir." "Good man." says the Major. He goes to the next bed. "What's your problem, Soldier?" "Chronic piles, Sir" "What treatment are you getting?" "Five minutes with the wire brush each day." "What's your ambition?" "To get back to the front, Sir." "Good man." says the Major. He goes to the next bed. "What's your problem, Soldier?" "Chronic gum disease, Sir" "What treatment are you getting?" "Five minutes with the wire brush each day." "What's your ambition?" "To get the wire brush before the other two, Sir"
Vote: has 31.25 % from 26 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: military
Tom to Dick: ‘My mother made me a homosexual.’ Dick: ‘If I bought her enough wool would she make me one as well?’
Vote: has 31.14 % from 42 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: sex
Q: What did the hard boiled egg say to the boiling water? A: I can't get a hard-on because I was just layed.
Vote: has 31.14 % from 42 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: dirty, food
How do you blindfold a Chinese person? Put floss over their eyes.
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More jokes about: dirty
Question: What’s six inches long and two inches wide and drives women wild? Answer: Money.
Vote: has 31.10 % from 34 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: money, women
A college business professor could not help but notice that one of his students was late to class for the third time that week. Before class ended he went around the room asking students some questions about the day’s lecture. Of course, he made sure to pick on his tardy pupil. “And who was it that developed the theories behind communism?” the professor asked. “I don’t know,” the student said. “Perhaps if you came to class on time, Mr. Reebs, you would know,” said the professor. “That’s not true,” the student replied. “I never pay attention anyway!”
Vote: has 31.10 % from 34 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: business, college, school