Best jokes ever

Why do you unload a truck full of babies with a pitchfork? So you can tell which ones are still alive.
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More jokes about: black humor
Woman patient: "Doctor I was suffering so much that I wanted to die." Doctor: "You did the right thing to call me."
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More jokes about: black humor, death, doctor
‘I’ve found the secret of eternal youth. I lie about my age.’ Bob Hope How many boring people does it take to change a light bulb? One.
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More jokes about: life
He never got married. He said he didn’t want to make the same mistake once.
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More jokes about: marriage
A blond a, a brunette and a redhead were at the top of a cliff looking down at the beach. Suddenly a genie appears to them and says "I will grant you each one wish if you'll jump off the side of this cliff." So the redhead jumps off and shouts "Seagull" and turns into a seagull and flies away. Then the brunette jumps off and shouts "Whale" and turns into a whale, falls into the sea and swims away. Finally the blond runs towards the cliff edge, but trips at the last second, as as she falls she shouts out "Shit"
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More jokes about: animal, blonde, genie, ginger
How many men does it take to open a beer? None. It should be opened by the time she brings it.
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More jokes about: women
“Honey,” said this husband to his wife, “I invited a friend home for supper.” “What? Are you crazy? The house is a mess, I haven’t been shopping, all the dishes are dirty, and I don’t feel like cooking a fancy meal!” “I know all that.” “Then why did you invite a friend for supper?” “Because the poor fool’s thinking about getting married.”
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More jokes about: women
Chuck Norris only mast*rbates to pictures of Chuck Norris.
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More jokes about: Chuck Norris, masturbation
As my grandmother and I were walking towards the United Nations Building in New York City, we came upon a street evangelist who was trying to get the attention of passersby. He urged those near him to flee from the wrath to come. “I warn you,” he roared, “that there will be weeping, and wailing, and gnashing of teeth!” An old woman in the crowd shouted snidely: “Sir, I have no teeth!” “Lady,” the evangelist retorted, “teeth will be provided!”
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More jokes about: old people
I'm a blonde! I'm a blonde, yay! B-L-O...? I'm a blonde, yay!
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More jokes about: blonde