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When Susan's boyfriend proposed marriage to her she said: ''I love the simple things in life, but I don't want one of them for my husband''.
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The old couple next door are having a ‘Football Romance’, each is waiting for the other to kick off so they can get some action.
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What did the blonde get on her IQ test? Saliva.
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What do you call a dog in jeans and a sweater? A plain clothes police dog!
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Tom was a model husband. Mind you, he wasn’t a working model.
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One day a blonde woman entered an autobody shop claiming that she’d suffered extensive damage to her new car. The mechanic thought he’d have some fun with her so he told her that she didn’t need him to fixed all the dents. He said she could fix them herself by blowing into the tailpipe as hard as she could and they’d all pop out. The woman went home and proceeded to get down on her hands and knees in the driveway. She was blowing into the pipe as hard as she could and her face was turning purple when another blonde woman walked by and asked what she was doing. After hearing the whole story the second blonde pauses for a moment then responds, “Hello! The windows are down. Your personal check for the full $30,000.”
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How did the blonde break her leg raking leaves? She fell out of the tree.
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He named the street he built after his wife. It was very apt, as she was cold, hard, cracked and only got ploughed around Christmas.
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10. Every Tuesday he insists it's his turn to be the siren. 9. He is starting to develop a crush on one of the transvestite hookers he arrested. 8. He wants to transfer to a K-9 unit because he thinks he'd look good in a collar. 7. He wants you to call him "Judge Dredd", and he insists that all suspects should be executed right there on the spot. 6. He talk to himself. Half of him is the "good cop", and the other half is the "bad cop". 5. He keeps asking you if his bullet proof vest makes him look fat. 4. He is exchanging donut recipes with complete strangers. 3. The perpetrators beg him to stop talking about his hemorrhoids. 2. He wants to hear less talk and more music on the police channel. 1. He keeps handcuffing himself by accident!!
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My wife and I lead a quiet life. The last time we went out together was when the gas boiler exploded.
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