A guy says, "Doc, you gotta help me. Every time I fart, it sounds like, "Honda."
The doctor says, "You say, 'Honda?'"
"No," the guy says. "My farts do."
So, the doctor says, "OK, open your mouth," and looks inside.
After about two minutes, the doctor says, "I'm sorry, I can't help you, you need to go see a dentist."
The guy says, "Why a dentist?"
The doctor says, "Because you have an absessed tooth."
The guy says, "What the hell does that have to do with my condition?"
The doctor says, "Well, didn't you know? Absess makes the farts go Honda!"
Vote:
Q: What does a blond man do at 03.00 in the night naked at the balcony?
A: The blond girl told him to come outside
Q: How did Albert Einstein celebrate Thanksgiving?
A: He was very thinkful.
Vote:
Did you hear about the Irishman who couldn't tell the difference between his two horses?
His friend suggested measuring them, that didn't help though, the Irishman discovered that the brown horse was only an inch taller than the white one!
Chuck Norris invented the printing press by putting two pieces of blank paper together.
Vote:
Q: Why did God create women?
A: He took one look at men and said, "I know I can do better than this."
Yo' Mama is so skanky, she went to a family reunion looking for a boyfriend.
Vote:
Chuck Norris likes his meat rare, so he eats unicorns.
Vote:
A woman's husband had been slipping in and out of a coma for several months, yet she had stayed by his bedside every single day.
One day, when he came to, he motioned for her to come nearer.
As she sat by him, he whispered, eyes full of tears, "You know what?
You have been with me all through the bad times.
When I got fired, you were there to support me.
When my business failed, you were there.
When I got shot, you were by my side.
When we lost the house, you stayed right here.
When my health started failing, you were still by my side.
You know what?"
"What dear?" she asked gently, smiling as her heart began to fill with warmth.
”I think you're bad luck."
What do you do if a blonde throws a hand grenade at you?
Pull out the pin and throw it back.