Best jokes ever

Did you hear the one about the cannibal who passed his brother in the jungle the other day?
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You know why Chuck Norris is always on top during sex? Because he never fucks up.
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Q: How was your first marriage terminated? A: By death. Q: And by whose death was it terminated?
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Where does the acronym LOTUS come from? Let Only Users Suffer.
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Coming home, I drove into the wrong house and collided with a tree I didn’t have. In an attempt to kill a fly, I drove into a telephone pole. I had been driving for 40 years when I fell asleep at the wheel and had an accident. I collided with a stationary truck coming the other way. I told the police I was not injured, but on removing my hat I found that I had a fractured skull. I pulled away from the side of the road, glanced at my mother-in-law, and headed over the embankment.
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More jokes about: car, driving, health, old people, phone
A cop asks a nigger: Can you legitimate yourself? Is this because I’m black?
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What is a baby? "A soft pink thing that makes a lot of noise at one end and has no sense of responsibility at the other."
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What did the green grape say to the purple grape? Breath!!!!
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What do you get if you cross a hippo, elephant and a rhino? A Helephino!!
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Yo momma’s so ugly, when they took her to the beautician it took 12 hours – for a quote!
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More jokes about: Yo mama