Chuck Norris eats black holes for breakfast.
They taste like chicken.
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2PAC once thought he was tougher than Chuck Norris... he was later murdered.
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Chuck Norris once went to Stevie Wonders concerts and smiled at him; Stevie Wonder is now blind.
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Did you hear about the Irishman who couldn't tell the difference between his two horses?
His friend suggested measuring them, that didn't help though, the Irishman discovered that the brown horse was only an inch taller than the white one!
Chuck Norris invented the printing press by putting two pieces of blank paper together.
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Q: Why did God create women?
A: He took one look at men and said, "I know I can do better than this."
Chuck Norris likes his meat rare, so he eats unicorns.
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A woman's husband had been slipping in and out of a coma for several months, yet she had stayed by his bedside every single day.
One day, when he came to, he motioned for her to come nearer.
As she sat by him, he whispered, eyes full of tears, "You know what?
You have been with me all through the bad times.
When I got fired, you were there to support me.
When my business failed, you were there.
When I got shot, you were by my side.
When we lost the house, you stayed right here.
When my health started failing, you were still by my side.
You know what?"
"What dear?" she asked gently, smiling as her heart began to fill with warmth.
”I think you're bad luck."
What do you call a frog with no legs?
It doesn't matter- he won't come anyway.
Are you free on Sunday?
The director asks his secretary.
Yes, sir.
Then, please, use this day to rest a bit, so you won’t be late at work on Monday.