Chuck Norris doesn't have an ATM PIN – the machine just spits out cash – at every bank!
Chuck Norris can strum your pain with his fingers, tell your whole life with his words – but mainly just kill you softly with his song.
Chuck Norris Avenged the Avengers.
Q: What do you call a black guy with a fan? A: Antique air conditioner.
Why did the blonde have a sore belly button? Because there are blonde men too!
Fool me once shame on you, fool me twice and Chuck Norris will roundhouse kick me for being stupid.
A drunk staggers into a Catholic Church, enters a confessional booth, sits down, but says nothing. The Priest coughs a few times to get his attention but the drunk continues to sit there. Finally, the Priest pounds three times on the wall . The drunk mumbles, "ain’t no use knocking, there’s no paper on this side either!"
A policeman pulls a man over for speeding and asks him to get out of the car. After examining the man he says, "Sir, I couldn’t help but notice your eyes are bloodshot. Have you been drinking?" The man gets really indignant and says, "Officer, I couldn’t help but notice your eyes are glazed. Have you been eating doughnuts?"
A herd of buffalo can move only as fast as the slowest buffalo, and when the herd is hunted, it is the slowest and weakest ones at the back that are killed first. This natural selection is good for the herd as a whole because the general speed and health of the whole group keeps improving by the regular culling of the weakest members. In much the same way the human brain can only operate as fast as the slowest brain cells. Excessive intake of alcohol, we all know, kills brain cells, but naturally it attacks the slowest and weakest brain cells first. In this way, regular consumption of beer eliminates the weaker brain cells, making the brain a faster and more efficient machine. That's why you always feel smarter after a few beers.
A police officer pulled a car over and arrested the driver for stealing the car. When he questioned the driver why he stold the car, the driver explained, "It was parked outside a cemetery and I thought the owner was dead!"