Q: How can you tell when a man is dead? A: He stays stiff for more than two minutes.
A husband gives his wife a complete mink outfit for her birthday – a 12-bore shotgun and some traps.
He doesn’t like to drink. It’s just something to do while he gets drunk.
How do you get a blonde to marry you? Tell her she’s pregnant.
I got this antique watch from my grandfather on his deathbed – he put up one hell of a fight for it.
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I saw a tramp who was so broke he was standing on the corner shouting, ‘Will work for cardboard and a magic marker!’
There’s no game like golf: you go out with three friends, play eighteen holes, and return with three enemies.
Yesterday I saw a man trying to chat up a cheetah. ‘Hello,’ I thought. ‘He’s trying to pull a fast one.’
I drink to steady my nerves. Last night I got so steady I couldn’t move.