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Q. Why do blondes wash their hair in the sink? A. Because, that's where you're supposed to wash vegetables!
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A lawyer trying to get tickets to a Broadway show, finally settled for a couple of seats a year in advance. When the exciting night arrived and he sat down in his seat, a woman in front of the lawyer noticed the empty seat next to him and asked why such a valuable commodity was unused. The lawyer replied that his wife couldn't make it. The woman asked him if he didn't have relatives or friends who could have used the seat. He replied, "Oh, they're all at the funeral."
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Why couldn't the skunk use her phone? It was out of odor!
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Have you heard about the new aftershave that drives women crazy? No! Tell me about it. It smells of $50 dollar bills.
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Zebras are just horses that escaped from prison.
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Q: Why do fish live in to the salt water? A: For the reason that pepper makes them sneeze!
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Why do zebras have stripes? Because the spots where all over.
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What do you call a clairvoyant midget who escaped from prison? A small medium at large.
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Two girlfriends were speeding down the highway at well over a 100 miles per hour. "Hey," asked the brunette at the wheel, "see any cops following us?" The blonde turned around for a long look. "As a matter of fact, I do." "Oh, NOOOO!" yelled the brunette. "Are his flashers on?" The blonde turned around again. "Yup...nope...yup...nope...yup..."
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The drunken wino was stumbling down the street with one foot on the curb and one foot in the gutter. A cop pulled up and said, "I've got to take you in, sir. You're obviously drunk" The wasted wino asked, "Ociffer, are ya absolutely sure I'm drunk?" "Yeah, buddy, I'm sure," said the copper. "Let's go." Obviously relieved, the wino said "That's a relief - I thought I was a cripple."
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