Q: What does it look like when you microwave a baby? A: I don't know, I close my eyes when I masturbate.
Chuck Norris can blow a tornado away.
When Teddy Rosavelt said there is nothing to fear but fear itself he obiously hadn't met Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris once bowled a 300... Without a ball... He wasn't even in a bowling ally.
Q: What happens when a black girl gets pregnant? A: Her nigga runs away.
Only once in history has Chuck Norris snapped his fingers, scientists call it The Big Bang.
Chuck Norris doesn't go to therapy, therapy goes to Chuck Norris.
A bulletproof jacket is an imitation of Chuck Norris' beard.
A man who recently had a sex-change operation was talking to his former buddies at work about the operation. "Was it painful?" someone asked. "Well,"she said. "There was one part that was extremely painful." "I bet I know what part was so painful," someone else said. "I bet it was when they cut off your balls," they said. "No," she said. "I was heavily sedated and didn't feel a thing." "Then it must have been when they cut off your pecker," another person offered. "No," she said. "I was sedated then too, and didn't feel anything." "Then what part of the operation was so painful?" They wanted to know. "Well," she said. "After they were done cutting, they stuck a straw in my ear and sucked out half of my brains."
A Jew, a German and an American walked into a small room. The Jew never came out.