She is so blonde, when she went to the airport and saw a sign that said "Airport Left," she turned around and went back home.
Anxiety: Getting up to see why the baby isn’t crying.
A life? Cool… Where can I download one of those?
My husband has a split personality – and I hate both of them.
A recent widow was crying to a grief counselor. “We were married twenty-five years before he died,” she said, dabbing away a tear. “Never had an argument in all those years.”
“Amazing,” said the councilor. “How did you do it?”
“I outweighed him by forty pounds and he was a coward.”
TEACHER: Why would you paint something black?
STUDENT: So it runs faster.
What’s the difference between a car salesman and a computer salesman?
The car salesman can probably drive!
A lot of things have changed in my life since I got to know that my girlfriend got pregnant.
My name, living address, phone number...
Prospective husband: Do you have a book called "Man, The Master of Womem"?
Salesgirl: The fiction department is on the other side, sir.
Q: What's brown and in the military?
A: Gomer's pile.