Yo momma’s so ugly, the Elephant Man would have paid to see her.
Yo mama so fat you cant tell if she got a penis or a vagina.
Chuck Norris has only used the 'Total Gym' twice in his life.
When his eyes are open - and when they are closed.
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Chuck Norris does not need pressure cookers.
The food cooks itself out of pressure.
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Chuck Norris reached level 51 on Oblivion.
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Chuck Norris does not eat.
Food understands that the only safe haven from Chuck Norris' fists is inside his own body.
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Chuck Norris doesn't need a particle accelerator to collide atoms, he just smashes his fists together.
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Chuck Norris can build a Water Dam...
In the Sahara Desert.
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There was a vampire who walked into a vampire bar and asked the bartender for a glass of hot water.
The bartender asked what for, because everyone else was drinking blood.
The vampire pulled out a bloody tampon and said "TEA TIME!"
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Chuck Norris can travel through time by running 88 miles per hour.
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