Contrary to popular belief, America is not a democracy, it is a Chucktatorship.
Chuck Norris can play volleyball with a bowlingball.
Chuk Norris was only twice angry, and those times are known as WWI and WWII.
There was a vampire who walked into a vampire bar and asked the bartender for a glass of hot water. The bartender asked what for, because everyone else was drinking blood. The vampire pulled out a bloody tampon and said "TEA TIME!"
Chuck Norris doesn't pay the government, the government pays him.
How to you know that cows will be in heaven? It's a place of udder delight.
Chuck Norris once won a rap battle against Eminem. He just kept saying "Chuck Norris" in a raplike-fashion. The crowds' heads exploded from amazement.
When is a lion not a lion? When he turns into his cage.
Jason Bourne is Chuck Norris' daughter...
After being shot by a criminal, Chuck Norris said... "that tickles".