I was in Tesco's and I saw this man and woman wrapped in a barcode. I said, "Are you two an item?"
Contrary to popular belief, America is not a democracy, it is a Chucktatorship.
Chuck Norris can play volleyball with a bowlingball.
Chuck Norris doesn't pay the government, the government pays him.
How to you know that cows will be in heaven? It's a place of udder delight.
Chuck Norris once won a rap battle against Eminem. He just kept saying "Chuck Norris" in a raplike-fashion. The crowds' heads exploded from amazement.
When is a lion not a lion? When he turns into his cage.
One day there was a tortoise walking on the road. Along came the hare that had once been defeated by the tortoise in a race. The hare was so angry from what had happened to him so he challenged him to another race. The tortoise gladly accepted his challenge. It ended up that the tortoise and the hare never finished the race because they both took a nap right before the finish line. So the tortoise is still the champion of the race. So remember this you snooze you loose!
Jason Bourne is Chuck Norris' daughter...
After being shot by a criminal, Chuck Norris said... "that tickles".