Why did the frog read Sherlock Holmes? He liked a good croak and dagger.
Q. What's black and white and green? A. A frog sitting on a newspaper.
Two men were walking along the street when they came upon a dog licking his dick. One man said, "I sure wish I could do that." The other replied, "You can, but you're probably going to have to pet him first."
Did you hear about the cover-all insurance policy? If you bump your head, they pay you a lump sum.
What do you call Satan and a lawyer? Twins!
I backed a horse last week at ten to one. It came in at quarter past four.
What did the frog say to the fly? You are really starting to bug me!
"Waiter, this vinegar is rather lumpy." Waiter: "That's because they're pickled onions, sir."
A guy goes into a bar, orders twelve shots and starts drinking them as quickly as he can. The bartender asks, "my goodness, why are you drinking so fast?' The guy replies, "You would be drinking just as fast if you had what I have." The bartender looks at him curiously and says, "What do you have?" The guy responds, "Only one Dollar."
Uncle Harry is very rich. His dog was lonely so he bought it a boy to play with. ‘He’s spending a year dead for tax purposes.’ Douglas Adams