Q: Who hangs out with musicians but isn't a musician?
A: Drummers.
World War II started because Burger King screwed up Chuck Norris' order.
Today Burger King NEVER gives you onions unless you ask for them.
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The Karate Kid killed caught a fly with two chopsticks, Chuck Norris killed a rhino with one.
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There was a vampire who walked into a vampire bar and asked the bartender for a glass of hot water.
The bartender asked what for, because everyone else was drinking blood.
The vampire pulled out a bloody tampon and said "TEA TIME!"
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Chuck Norris can travel through time by running 88 miles per hour.
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Pluto is actually an orbiting group of British soldiers from the American Revolution who entered space after the Chuck gave them a roundhouse kick to the face.
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Chuck Norris's urine was the main ingredient for balco's designer steroids.
Therefore, Chuck Norris is actually the all-time single-season home run king.
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What has a head, a tail, and no body?
A coin!
Q: What vegetables to librarians like?
A: Quiet peas.
A recent widow was crying to a grief counselor. “We were married twenty-five years before he died,” she said, dabbing away a tear. “Never had an argument in all those years.”
“Amazing,” said the councilor. “How did you do it?”
“I outweighed him by forty pounds and he was a coward.”
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