The Karate Kid killed caught a fly with two chopsticks, Chuck Norris killed a rhino with one.
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There was a vampire who walked into a vampire bar and asked the bartender for a glass of hot water.
The bartender asked what for, because everyone else was drinking blood.
The vampire pulled out a bloody tampon and said "TEA TIME!"
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Chuck Norris can travel through time by running 88 miles per hour.
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Q: What do you call a blonde in the freezer?
A: Her parents named her Cindy so we should probably continue to call her that. She was supposed to graduate tomorrow.
The speed of light was instituted because Chuck Norris didn't want get winded outrunning it.
Chuck Norris hates to sweat.
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Chuck Norris can get satellite cable from a Skoal can.
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There's no wine holder on this vacuum cleaner.
It's like it wasn't even designed for women.
How can I be expected to work under these conditions?
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One man said he got his butt whooped by Chuck Norris twice but he lied, because everyone knows you couldn't survive it once.
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Pluto is actually an orbiting group of British soldiers from the American Revolution who entered space after the Chuck gave them a roundhouse kick to the face.
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Chuck Norris's urine was the main ingredient for balco's designer steroids.
Therefore, Chuck Norris is actually the all-time single-season home run king.
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