Q: What's red, sits in front of a mirror, and gets smaller and smaller? A: A vain idiot combing his hair with a potato peeler.
Why did the zombie baby cross the road? He was stapled to the chicken.
There was a vampire who walked into a vampire bar and asked the bartender for a glass of hot water. The bartender asked what for, because everyone else was drinking blood. The vampire pulled out a bloody tampon and said "TEA TIME!"
Chuck Norris' tears would save lives, if he'd cry.
Chuck Norris doesn't pay the government, the government pays him.
Yo' Mama is so fat, you have to slap her thigh and ride the wave in to have sex with her.
How to you know that cows will be in heaven? It's a place of udder delight.
Chuck Norris once won a rap battle against Eminem. He just kept saying "Chuck Norris" in a raplike-fashion. The crowds' heads exploded from amazement.
When is a lion not a lion? When he turns into his cage.
Jason Bourne is Chuck Norris' daughter...