Chuck Norris can travel through time by running 88 miles per hour.
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Q: Who hangs out with musicians but isn't a musician?
A: Drummers.
World War II started because Burger King screwed up Chuck Norris' order.
Today Burger King NEVER gives you onions unless you ask for them.
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The Karate Kid killed caught a fly with two chopsticks, Chuck Norris killed a rhino with one.
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One man said he got his butt whooped by Chuck Norris twice but he lied, because everyone knows you couldn't survive it once.
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Chuck Norris doesn't need a particle accelerator to collide atoms, he just smashes his fists together.
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Chuck Norris can build a Water Dam...
In the Sahara Desert.
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Pluto is actually an orbiting group of British soldiers from the American Revolution who entered space after the Chuck gave them a roundhouse kick to the face.
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Chuck Norris's urine was the main ingredient for balco's designer steroids.
Therefore, Chuck Norris is actually the all-time single-season home run king.
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What has a head, a tail, and no body?
A coin!