There was a vampire who walked into a vampire bar and asked the bartender for a glass of hot water.
The bartender asked what for, because everyone else was drinking blood.
The vampire pulled out a bloody tampon and said "TEA TIME!"
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Chuck Norris' tears would save lives, if he'd cry.
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Chuck Norris doesn't pay the government, the government pays him.
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How to you know that cows will be in heaven?
It's a place of udder delight.
Chuck Norris once won a rap battle against Eminem.
He just kept saying "Chuck Norris" in a raplike-fashion.
The crowds' heads exploded from amazement.
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When is a lion not a lion?
When he turns into his cage.
One day there was a tortoise walking on the road.
Along came the hare that had once been defeated by the tortoise in a race.
The hare was so angry from what had happened to him so he challenged him to another race.
The tortoise gladly accepted his challenge.
It ended up that the tortoise and the hare never finished the race because they both took a nap right before the finish line.
So the tortoise is still the champion of the race.
So remember this you snooze you loose!
When Chuck Norris is as old as dirt, he will be the salt of the earth.
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Jason Bourne is Chuck Norris' daughter...
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After being shot by a criminal, Chuck Norris said... "that tickles".
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