When observing a Chuck Norris roundhouse kick in slow motion one finds that Chuck Norris actually rapes his victim in the ass, smokes a cigarette with Dennis Leary, and then roundhouse kicks them in the face.
Why did the spider buy a car? So he could take it out for a spin!
In bed my girlfriend used to mentally dress me.
Chuck Norris can win at solitaire with only 18 cards.
What’s the definition of a Yankee? Same thing as a ‘quickie’ but you do it yourself.
Your moms pussy is so hairy when your brother was born he died of rug burn.
What do you call a nigger in a tree with a briefcase? Branch manager.
A man in a balaclava with a gun asked, "Are you a Protestant or a Catholic?" "Neither, I'm a Jew." "But are you a Protestant Jew or a Catholic Jew?"
I tried to catch some fog earlier. I mist.
Happy Father's Day to someome who's been completely replaced in his marriage by Fifty Shades of Grey.