I'm no weather man, but you can expect more than a few inches tonight.
I used to hate weddings, all the old ladies would prod me and say "you'll be next!" They soon stopped that, when I started saying it to them at funerals !
What do you call a baby on a stick? A Kebabie.
When they get you, they have their own little signature, like Gucci or something like that. When you walk down the street, girls will walk by, and they'll say, "Oh, that's Gladys' work, ain't it?"
One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, FLOOR.
Always talk to your wife when you’re making love – assuming there’s a phone handy.
Yo Mama's so Web 2.0, she makes you call her Mothr!
The trouble with some women is that they get all excited about nothing – and then they marry him.
How many men does it take to open a beer? None. It should be opened by the time she brings it.
There a ventriloquist telling blond joke . A blond comes storming up on stage and start says"blonds can be smart to you know,and I'm smart, I should know." The ventriloquist says" ok ok I'm sorry I won't do it again" then the blond says "you shut up and stay out of this cuz I'm talking to the jurk on your knee"