Chuck Norris doesn’t shave; he kicks himself in the face. The only thing that can cut Chuck Norris is Chuck Norris.
How do you know you’re flying over the poorer part of town? You see toilet paper hanging on the clothes lines.
What do mopeds and fat ladies have in common? They're both a great ride until someone sees you on one.
What do ducks wear to party's? A duck-sedo!
Growing up, Samuel L. Jackson didn't have a mother and a father. He had a mother and a motherf*cker.
There are two cows in a field. One says to the other: "So what do you think of mad cow disease?" The other replies: "I don't know, I'm a chicken!"
A guy noticed that his buddy was troubled and asked what was wrong. "Ohhh, it's my girlfriend." "What's the problem?" "When I asked her if she could learn to love me, she asked me how much I was willing to spend on her education."
Q: What is a zebra? A: A horse behind bars.
Why can't Miss Piggy count to 100? Because when she gets to 69 she has a frog in her throat.
Why were men given larger brains than dogs? A.So they wouldn't hump women's legs at cocktail parties. B.So they wouldn't stop to play with every other man they see when you take them around the block.