Q: Did you hear about the depressed proctologist? A: He's been feeling down in the dumps.
Yo' Mama is like a hockey player, she doesn't change her pad for three periods.
Chuck Norris inhales carbon monoxide and exhales oxygen.
What does a man consider a seven course meal? A hot dog and a six pack.
A blonde, brunette, and redhead are in the ninth grade; which one is the sexiest? The blonde, because she is the only one that's 18.
What do mopeds and fat ladies have in common? They're both a great ride until someone sees you on one.
What do you do when a blond throws a grenade at you? Pull the pin and throw it back!
Q: Did you hear Lorena Bobbitt was almost killed in a traffic accident? A: Some dick cut her off.
A project manager, a computer programmer and a computer operator are driving down the road when the car they are in gets a flat tire. The three men try to solve the problem. The project manager said: "Let's catch a cab and in ten minutes we'll reach our destination." The computer programmer said: "We have here the driver's guide. I can easily replace the flat tire and continue our drive." The computer operator said: "First of all, let's turn off the engine and turn it on again. Maybe it will fix the problem." Suddenly a Microsoft software engineer passed by and said: "Try to close all windows, get off the car, and then get in and try again."
How many lawyers does it take to stop a moving bus? Never enough.