Q: Did you hear Lorena Bobbitt was almost killed in a traffic accident? A: Some dick cut her off.
A project manager, a computer programmer and a computer operator are driving down the road when the car they are in gets a flat tire. The three men try to solve the problem. The project manager said: "Let's catch a cab and in ten minutes we'll reach our destination." The computer programmer said: "We have here the driver's guide. I can easily replace the flat tire and continue our drive." The computer operator said: "First of all, let's turn off the engine and turn it on again. Maybe it will fix the problem." Suddenly a Microsoft software engineer passed by and said: "Try to close all windows, get off the car, and then get in and try again."
How many lawyers does it take to stop a moving bus? Never enough.
In honor of Chuck Norris, all McDonald's in Texas have an even larger size than the super-size. When ordering, just ask to be "Norrisized".
Chuck Norris doesn’t shave; he kicks himself in the face. The only thing that can cut Chuck Norris is Chuck Norris.
Since I got married I haven’t looked at another woman. My wife put me off them.
What’s the difference between a drunk and an alcoholic? Drunks don’t have to go to the meetings.
Q: Did you hear about the depressed proctologist? A: He's been feeling down in the dumps.
Yo' Mama is like a hockey player, she doesn't change her pad for three periods.
Yo mama's so lactose intolerant, human kindness makes her throw up!