Salmon swim upstream because Chuck Norris is downstream.
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Chuck Norris would have attacked the Death Star with the Shield Generator still up.
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Everyone knows the speed of light...
Chuck Norris knows the speed of darkness.
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If Charlie Sheen is winning, it's only because Chuck Norris isn't playing.
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Chuck Norris sold his soul to the devil for his rugged good looks and unparalleled martial arts ability.
Shortly after the transaction was finalized, Chuck roundhouse-kicked the devil in the face and took his soul back.
The devil, who appreciates irony, couldn't stay mad and admitted he should have seen it coming.
They now play poker every second Wednesday of the month.
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Contrary to popular belief, Chuck Norris, not the box jellyfish of northern Australia, is the most venomous creature on earth.
Within 3 minutes of being bitten, a human being experiences the following symptoms: fever, blurred vision, beard rash, tightness of the jeans, and the feeling of being repeatedly kicked through a car windshield.
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Hercules strangled two snakes in his crib when he was a baby.
Chuck Norris strangled a grizzly bear moments after birth with his own umbilical cord.
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While we all get checked by the airport security, Chuck checks the airport security.
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When Chuck Norris was a kid, he wanted to see if you really could kill two birds with a stone.
Let's just say that's why birds fly still south in the winter.
Chuck Norris sleeps with every woman on the planet once a month... and they bleed for a week.
Once Chuck Norris rubbed a magical lamp, nothing came out.
The genie ain't stupid.
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