What’s the difference between a drunk and an alcoholic? Drunks don’t have to go to the meetings.
Chuck Norris inhales carbon monoxide and exhales oxygen.
Q: Did you hear about the depressed proctologist? A: He's been feeling down in the dumps.
Yo' Mama is like a hockey player, she doesn't change her pad for three periods.
Yo mama's so lactose intolerant, human kindness makes her throw up!
Yo mama's so technologically unsavvy, she leaves out pieces of cheese next to the computer!
Q: Why do women have smaller feet than men? A: So they can stand closer to the sink.
Why doesn't Sweden export it's cattle? It wants to keep it's Stockholm!
Chuck Norris doesn't wear a wristwatch. He always knows when it's time to kick some ass.
Q: What do Darren Millane (Collingwood footballer killed in a recent car crash) and a blonde have in common? A: Put either of 'em in a car and they're fucked.