Yo momma's so fat; she's in two time zones at the same time!
A blonde comes to a doctor and complains:
Doc, please help: when I touch my head - it hurts, when I touch my belly - it hurts, when I touch my leg - it hurts...
I know what has happened to you.
And what?
You've broken your finger.
A preacher goes into a bar and says "Anybody who wants to go to heaven, stand up."
Everybody stands up except for a drunk in the corner.
The preacher says "My son, don't you want to go to heaven when you die?"
The drunk says "When I die?
Sure.
I thought you were taking a load up now."
Twenty feet below sea level, a diver notices another guy at the same depth with no scuba gear.
The diver goes down another 10 feet, and the guy joins him a minute later.
The diver goes below 15 more feet, and a minute later, the same guy joins him.
The diver takes out a waterproof pad and pencil and writes, "How are you able to stay this deep without equipment?"
The guy takes the pencil and pad and writes, "I'm drowning, you moron!"
A snail walks into a bar and the barman tells him there's a strict policy about having snails in the bar and so kicks him out.
A year later the same snail re-enters the bar and asks the barman "What did you do that for?"
She is so blonde, when she went to the airport and saw a sign that said "Airport Left," she turned around and went back home.
Yo mama's so fat, when I finished having sex with her and tried to roll off, I was still on her.
How do you know you’re flying over the poorer part of town?
You see toilet paper hanging on the clothes lines.
"Yo momma so fat she stands in two time zones!"
Mummy, mummy, why is daddy swaying in the backyard?
Shut up, and give me more bullets.
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