Q: Did you hear Lorena Bobbitt was almost killed in a traffic accident?
A: Some dick cut her off.
A project manager, a computer programmer and a computer operator are driving down the road when the car they are in gets a flat tire.
The three men try to solve the problem.
The project manager said: "Let's catch a cab and in ten minutes we'll reach our destination."
The computer programmer said: "We have here the driver's guide.
I can easily replace the flat tire and continue our drive."
The computer operator said: "First of all, let's turn off the engine and turn it on again.
Maybe it will fix the problem."
Suddenly a Microsoft software engineer passed by and said: "Try to close all windows, get off the car, and then get in and try again."
How many lawyers does it take to stop a moving bus?
Never enough.
In honor of Chuck Norris, all McDonald's in Texas have an even larger size than the super-size.
When ordering, just ask to be "Norrisized".
Vote:
Chuck Norris doesn’t shave; he kicks himself in the face.
The only thing that can cut Chuck Norris is Chuck Norris.
Vote:
What’s the difference between a drunk and an alcoholic?
Drunks don’t have to go to the meetings.
Chuck Norris inhales carbon monoxide and exhales oxygen.
Vote:
Q: Did you hear about the depressed proctologist?
A: He's been feeling down in the dumps.
Vote:
Yo' Mama is like a hockey player, she doesn't change her pad for three periods.
Yo mama's so lactose intolerant, human kindness makes her throw up!