What’s the difference between a drunk and an alcoholic? Drunks don’t have to go to the meetings.
Chuck Norris inhales carbon monoxide and exhales oxygen.
Q: Did you hear about the depressed proctologist? A: He's been feeling down in the dumps.
Yo' Mama is like a hockey player, she doesn't change her pad for three periods.
Yo mama's so lactose intolerant, human kindness makes her throw up!
Yo mama's so technologically unsavvy, she leaves out pieces of cheese next to the computer!
Q: What do you have when a lawyer is buried up to his neck in sand? A: Not enough sand.
Q: Why do women have smaller feet than men? A: So they can stand closer to the sink.
Q: How can you tell if a University of Tennessee football player is married? A: There is tobacco spit on both sides of his pickup truck.
The moon is just a football Chuck Norris kicked up when he was a kid.