A snail walks into a bar and the barman tells him there's a strict policy about having snails in the bar and so kicks him out.
A year later the same snail re-enters the bar and asks the barman "What did you do that for?"
She is so blonde, when she went to the airport and saw a sign that said "Airport Left," she turned around and went back home.
Yo mama's so fat, when I finished having sex with her and tried to roll off, I was still on her.
What's 18 inches long and makes women scream all night ?
Crib death.
Vote:
Q: How was your first marriage terminated?
A: By death.
Q: And by whose death was it terminated?
How fast can a women drive? 68 mph.
If she hits 69, she flips over and blows a rod.
"Yo momma so fat she stands in two time zones!"
Mummy, mummy, why is daddy swaying in the backyard?
Shut up, and give me more bullets.
Vote:
New Year's Resolutions for Internet Junkies...
I will try to figure out why I *really* need 9 e-mail addresses.
I will stop sending e-mail to my wife (husband).
I resolve to work with neglected children -- my own.
I will answer my snail mail with the same enthusiasm with which I answer my e-mail.
I will stop sending e-mail, ICQ, Instant Messages and be on the phone at the same time with the same person.
I resolve to back up my 12GB hard drive daily...well, once a week... okay, monthly then...or maybe...
I will spend less than one hour a day on the Internet. This, of course, will be hard
to estimate since I'm not a clock watcher.
When I hear "Where do you want to go today?" I will not reply "MS Tech Support."
When I hear a funny joke I will not reply, "LOL... LOL!"
I will read the manual... just as soon as I can find it.
I will think of a password other than "password."
I will stop checking my e-mail at 3:00 in the morning... 4:30 is much more practical.
I resolve... I resolve to... I resolve to, uh... I resolve to, uh, get my, er...
I resolve to, uh, get my, er, off-line work done, too!
Vote:
Christano Roanaldo dives because he thinks of Chuck Norris.
Vote: