How do you know you’re flying over the poorer part of town?
You see toilet paper hanging on the clothes lines.
She is so blonde, when she went to the airport and saw a sign that said "Airport Left," she turned around and went back home.
Yo mama's so fat, when I finished having sex with her and tried to roll off, I was still on her.
What's 18 inches long and makes women scream all night ?
Crib death.
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Q: How was your first marriage terminated?
A: By death.
Q: And by whose death was it terminated?
How fast can a women drive? 68 mph.
If she hits 69, she flips over and blows a rod.
"Yo momma so fat she stands in two time zones!"
Mummy, mummy, why is daddy swaying in the backyard?
Shut up, and give me more bullets.
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New Year's Resolutions for Internet Junkies...
I will try to figure out why I *really* need 9 e-mail addresses.
I will stop sending e-mail to my wife (husband).
I resolve to work with neglected children -- my own.
I will answer my snail mail with the same enthusiasm with which I answer my e-mail.
I will stop sending e-mail, ICQ, Instant Messages and be on the phone at the same time with the same person.
I resolve to back up my 12GB hard drive daily...well, once a week... okay, monthly then...or maybe...
I will spend less than one hour a day on the Internet. This, of course, will be hard
to estimate since I'm not a clock watcher.
When I hear "Where do you want to go today?" I will not reply "MS Tech Support."
When I hear a funny joke I will not reply, "LOL... LOL!"
I will read the manual... just as soon as I can find it.
I will think of a password other than "password."
I will stop checking my e-mail at 3:00 in the morning... 4:30 is much more practical.
I resolve... I resolve to... I resolve to, uh... I resolve to, uh, get my, er...
I resolve to, uh, get my, er, off-line work done, too!
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Chuck Norris puts his pants on one leg at a time, just like the rest of us.
The only difference is, then he kills people.
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