How are husbands like lawn mowers? They're hard to get started, they emit noxious odors, and half the time they don't work.
What do you if you're trapped inside a whale? Run round and round till you're all pooped out!
When is the best time to fake an orgasm? When a rottweiler is humping your leg.
A blonde girl walks in the street and sees a banana peel. Sad she was, thinking...damn I will stumble again...!
I went to the movie theater the other day and in the front row was an old man and with him was his dachshund. It was a sad, funny kind of film. In the sad part, the dachshund cried his eyes out, and in the funny part, the dachshund laughed its head off. This happened all the way through the film. After the film had ended, I decided to go and speak to the man. "That's the most amazing thing I've seen," I said. "That dachshund really seemed to enjoy the film." The man turned to me and said, "Yeah, it is. He hated the book."
Why’s a fat woman like a skateboard? They’re both fun to ride, but you wouldn’t want your friends to see you on one.
What does a man consider a seven course meal? A hot dog and a six pack.
How many lawyers does it take to grease a combine? Only one if you run him through slowly!
Q: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all? A: Yes. Q: And in what ways does it affect your memory? A: I forget. Q: You forget. Can you give us an example of something that you've forgotten?
Blonde Overdue A blonde goes into a library and cheerfully says, "Hi! I'm here to see the doctor!" In a stern, but hushed voice, the librarian says, "Miss, this is a library." So the blonde lowers her voice and says, "Oh sorry!" Then whispers, "I'm here to see the doctor.