How are men like chocolates? A.They never last long enough B.They always leave stains whenever they get hot.
There was a papa mole, a momma mole, and a baby mole. They lived in a hole out in the country near a farmhouse. Papa mole poked his head out of the hole and said, "Mmmm, I smell sausage!" Momma mole poked her head outside the hole and said, "Mmmm, I smell pancakes!" Baby mole tried to stick his head outside but couldn't because of the two bigger moles. Baby mole said, "The only thing I smell is molasses."
Little Billy looks at the chimpanzees from the zoo. Mama, little Billy shouts, this monkey looks like our neighbour, Mr. Danny. Billy, it’s not polite to talk like that! Why? The chimpanzee doesn’t understand...
A blonde was trapped on an island and had to swim 1000 miles to get back to the mainland. She swam 500 miles and got tired, so swam back to the island.
The man was in no shape to drive, so he wisely left his car parked and walked home. As he was walking unsteadily along, he was stopped by a policeman. "What are you doing out here at 2 A.M.?" said the officer. "I'm going to a lecture." the man said. "And who is going to give a lecture at this hour?" the cop asked. "My wife." said the man.
Q. Did you hear about the funny blonde who tried to blow up her husband's car? A. She burned her lips on the tailpipe.
Men and women were created equal but women continued to improve.
The hardest thing about prizefighting is picking up your teeth wearing a boxing glove.
Q: Why can't Jesus eat M&Ms? A: They keep falling through the holes in his hands.
Man cannot live on bread alone – he needs a bit of crumpet too.