Elmore walked into his favorite truck stop cafe and said to the owner, "Hey, Roy, you wanna take a chance on a raffle?"
"Whada ya win?"
"A million dollars!" said the redneck.
"You get a dollar a year for a million years."
"How much are they each?"
"Ten cents.
Two for a quarter.
Or three for half a dollar!"
Little Johnny wasn't a very good at speller.
One day, during a spelling exam, the teacher wrote the word "new" on the blackboard.
"Now," she asked Johnny, "what word would we have if we placed a "K" in the front?"
After thinking a few seconds, Johnny said, "Canoe?"
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Yo Mama has touched more knobs then the gas man.
The other day I sent my girlfriend a huge pile of snow.
I rang her up, I said ''Did you get my drift?''.
CEO frequently overheard mumbling, "Eeny, meeny, miney, moe."
Windows XP shutdown screen reads, "It is Now Safe to Start Looking for Work."
Company softball team downsized to chess team.
Company president now driving a Hyundai.
Giant yard sale in front of corporate headquarters.
Chuck Norris logged on MSN through the display of washing machines.
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Q: What do you call a fight between you and your dad?
A: Dady issues!
"Hey Jaeger, are you enjoying that apple?"
"Sure, why do you ask."
"I was going to offer you some toast."
"How kind of... I'll accept."
"Great, but what's toast without any butter Jaeger."
"You're right about that!"
"Well give me a few seconds, let me go scrape some off of your mother's teeth!"
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Two boys have taken part in IQ tests at the well-known psychologist.
The first boy has opened the door after 30 minutes of testing and has screamed: "wow, perfect, unbelievable, I have 60 points, I have 60 points!"
After another 30 minutes has opened the door the second boy and has screamed: "wow, super, I have 62 points, I have 62 points!"
They sat down and asked each other: "and what does it mean, that you have 60 points and I have 62 points? Let us ask the psychologist what does it mean?"
The psychologist has said: "the 60 and 62 points means that you are both idiots."
Chuck Norris wears white to a funeral, no one asks why.
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