A fellow always wanted to own a pet skunk, so in the dead of winter, he took his girlfriend with him to go hunting for one. After a bit of waiting, they bagged a skunk and brought him back to the truck. The skunk was very scared and very cold, so the guy asks his girlfriend if she can keep the skunk between her legs to keep him warm. "But what about the smell?" asks his girlfriend. "Oh, he'll get used to it, just like I did."
"My son, this is your senior year at school so your mom and I decided that you’re going to be a doctor." "But what are you saying dad? You know very well that I’m not in a position even to... kill a mosquito."
How does a frog feel when he has a broken leg? Unhoppy.
When a woman found out that she was pregnant, she lit up the phone lines telling everyone the good news. One day later that week, she took her 4 year old son, Sam, out shopping. A woman asked the boy if he was excited about the baby. "Yes", he said. "I know what we're going to name it. If it is a girl, we're calling her Molly and if it is a boy, we're going to call it quits.
Why do you unload a truck full of babies with a pitchfork? So you can tell which ones are still alive.
Q: What did the adding machine say to the cashier? A: You can count on me.
What does a spider do when he gets angry? He goes up the wall!
How many men does it take to open a beer? None. It should be opened by the time she brings it.
He was in a position to marry anyone he pleased. Unfortunately he didn’t please anyone.