Chuck Norris is the only person that can stab you with a basketball- Brandon De La Riva.
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One day there was a tortoise walking on the road.
Along came the hare that had once been defeated by the tortoise in a race.
The hare was so angry from what had happened to him so he challenged him to another race.
The tortoise gladly accepted his challenge.
It ended up that the tortoise and the hare never finished the race because they both took a nap right before the finish line.
So the tortoise is still the champion of the race.
So remember this you snooze you loose!
Jason Bourne is Chuck Norris' daughter...
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If Chuck Norris were a calendar, every month would be named Chucktober, and every day he'd kick your ass.
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Patient: "Doctor, I have yellow teeth, what do I do?"
Dentist: "Wear a brown tie..."
Boy Monster: Did you get the big red heart I sent you for Valentine's?
Girl Monster: Yes, I did. Thank you.
Boy Monster: Is it still beating?
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Yo' Mama is so fat, you have to slap her thigh and ride the wave in to have sex with her.
Why did the zombie baby cross the road?
He was stapled to the chicken.
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Chuk Norris was only twice angry, and those times are known as WWI and WWII.
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Q. What do gay kids get for Christmas?
A. Erection Sets.