Why do you unload a truck full of babies with a pitchfork? So you can tell which ones are still alive.
Your fart's so loud, astronauts in space mistook your fart for a message from Houston!
A woman gets on a bus with her baby. The bus driver says: ''Ugh, that's the ugliest baby I've ever seen!'' The woman walks to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming. She says to a man next to her: ''The driver just insulted me!'' The man says: ''You go up there and tell him off. Go on, I'll hold your monkey for you."
What's the difference between a lawyer and a trampoline? You take off your shoes to jump on a trampoline.
Q: Why did the lion brake up with his girlfriend? A: Cuz she was a CHEETAH!
I'm a blonde! I'm a blonde, yay! B-L-O...? I'm a blonde, yay!
This black woman was vastly overweight, and I mean MASSIVE and she went to see the doctor about her weight. She said to him, "Have you got any dieting remedies or anything that can help me loose weight?" The doctor replies, "Yes we do, all you need to do is shake your head from left too right, simple eh?!" She says, "WOW that's amazing, um... when do I do it?" The doctor says, "Next time your ordered food."
Q: What has two legs and bleeds? A: Half a cat.
In what state will you find the most cows? Moo York.
Donald Trump is a vain, arrogant, hateful pig. That's why Americans voted him in - he's just like them.