Why did God give women belly buttons?
For somewhere to stash your gum on the way down.
One day a government worker was digging through his office drawers when suddenly he came upon a magic lamp.
(Oh, c'mon, I'm sure there's one buried in your desk too.)
Since he'd heard these jokes before, he knew that he had to rub the lamp and make the genie come out.
So he rubbed the lamp and - oh, surprise out popped a genie.
The genie asked, as genies will, "What is your first wish?"
The government worker thought about it for a second, then replied, "I would like to be rich!"
So the genie granted him his wish, and poof the man was surrounded by piles of money rivaling the heaps of even Martha Stewart and Bill Gates.
Since the government worker knew the whole wish process, the genie didn't even have to ask for number two before he said, "My second wish is to be on an island with beautiful women surrounding me and obeying my every command!"
And poof, he was there.
Then the government worker or, as I like to call him, civil servant decided on his third wish, "I don't want to do any work ever again!" and poof ubiquitous ironic twist he was back in his office.
What’s funnier than a dead baby?
A dead baby in a clown costume!
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Q: How long does it take a black lady to shit?
A: About 9 months.
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Nobody is born cool. Except of course, dead babies.
Chuck Norris is not cool.
By saying that, I have decreased my life to 5 seco...
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Chuck Norris is the only person that can stab you with a basketball- Brandon De La Riva.
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One day there was a tortoise walking on the road.
Along came the hare that had once been defeated by the tortoise in a race.
The hare was so angry from what had happened to him so he challenged him to another race.
The tortoise gladly accepted his challenge.
It ended up that the tortoise and the hare never finished the race because they both took a nap right before the finish line.
So the tortoise is still the champion of the race.
So remember this you snooze you loose!
Jason Bourne is Chuck Norris' daughter...
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If Chuck Norris were a calendar, every month would be named Chucktober, and every day he'd kick your ass.
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