‘Why don’t you go home to your wife. Better yet, I’ll go home to your wife and, outside of the improvement, she won’t notice any difference.’ Groucho Marx
What has a head, a tail, and no body? A coin!
Why do you unload a truck full of babies with a pitchfork? So you can tell which ones are still alive.
Q: Who hangs out with musicians but isn't a musician? A: Drummers.
In a fight with the drill sergeant from "Full Metal Jacket," I'm afraid Chuck would gracefully decline to fight.
Q: Why is Michael Jackson addicted to pain killers? A: To stop him from going OW OW OW!
Every time Chuck Norris farts a hurricane forms.
What is the differance between a dead baby and a VHS tape? The VHS tape don't stink when you leave it out in the sun.
How do you stop a baby crawling round in circles ? Nail its other hand to the floor.