I live like a medieval knight.
Every night I go to sleep with a battleaxe at my side.
Wife to husband: ‘You certainly made a fool of yourself last night.
I just hope nobody realised you were sober.’
‘Why don’t you go home to your wife.
Better yet, I’ll go home to your wife and, outside of the improvement, she won’t notice any difference.’ Groucho Marx
What has a head, a tail, and no body?
A coin!
Why do you unload a truck full of babies with a pitchfork?
So you can tell which ones are still alive.
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Q: Who hangs out with musicians but isn't a musician?
A: Drummers.
In a fight with the drill sergeant from "Full Metal Jacket," I'm afraid Chuck would gracefully decline to fight.
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Wagner is really Chuck Norris!
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Q: Why is Michael Jackson addicted to pain killers?
A: To stop him from going OW OW OW!
What is the differance between a dead baby and a VHS tape?
The VHS tape don't stink when you leave it out in the sun.
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