You know how they say if you die in your dream then you will die in real life?
In actuality, if you dream of death then Chuck Norris will find you and kill you.
Vote:
When a woman steals your husband, there is no better revenge than to let her keep him.
It was a particularly tough football game, and nerves were on edge.
The home team had been the victim of three or four close calls, and they were now trailing the visitors by a touch-down and a field goal.
When the official called yet another close one in the visitors' favor, the home quarterback blew his top.
How many times can you do this to us in a single game?" he screamed.
"You were wrong on the out-of-bounds, you were wrong on that last first down, and you missed an illegal tackle in the first quarter."
The official just stared.
The quarterback seethed, but he suppressed the language that might get him tossed from the game.
"What it comes down to," he bellowed, "is that you STINK!"
The official stared a few more seconds.
Then he bent down, picked up the ball, paced off 15 yards, and put the ball down.
He turned to face the steaming quarterback.
The official finally replied, "And how do I smell from here?"
"Now, class, closely observe the worms," said the teacher while putting a worm into the water.
The worm in the water writhed about, happy as a worm in water could be.
He then put the second worm into the whiskey.
It curled up and writhed about painfully, then quickly sank to the bottom, dead as a doornail.
"Now, what lesson can we learn from this experiment?" he asked.
Johnny, who naturally sits in back, raised his hand and wisely, responded confidently, "Drink whisky and you won't get worms."
How can you tell when a man is well hung?
When you can just barely slip your finger between his neck and the noose.
Chuk Norris was only twice angry, and those times are known as WWI and WWII.
Vote:
Chuck Norris is not cool.
By saying that, I have decreased my life to 5 seco...
Vote:
Chuck Norris is the only person that can stab you with a basketball- Brandon De La Riva.
Vote:
One day there was a tortoise walking on the road.
Along came the hare that had once been defeated by the tortoise in a race.
The hare was so angry from what had happened to him so he challenged him to another race.
The tortoise gladly accepted his challenge.
It ended up that the tortoise and the hare never finished the race because they both took a nap right before the finish line.
So the tortoise is still the champion of the race.
So remember this you snooze you loose!
Jason Bourne is Chuck Norris' daughter...
Vote: