Patient: "Doctor, I have yellow teeth, what do I do?"
Dentist: "Wear a brown tie..."
Why did the zombie baby cross the road?
He was stapled to the chicken.
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Boy Monster: Did you get the big red heart I sent you for Valentine's?
Girl Monster: Yes, I did. Thank you.
Boy Monster: Is it still beating?
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Yo' Mama is so fat, you have to slap her thigh and ride the wave in to have sex with her.
Chuk Norris was only twice angry, and those times are known as WWI and WWII.
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The Beatles originally sang "All you need is Chuck Norris".
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"Now, class, closely observe the worms," said the teacher while putting a worm into the water.
The worm in the water writhed about, happy as a worm in water could be.
He then put the second worm into the whiskey.
It curled up and writhed about painfully, then quickly sank to the bottom, dead as a doornail.
"Now, what lesson can we learn from this experiment?" he asked.
Johnny, who naturally sits in back, raised his hand and wisely, responded confidently, "Drink whisky and you won't get worms."
How can you tell when a man is well hung?
When you can just barely slip your finger between his neck and the noose.
Two Bear Hunters
Two men went bear hunting.
While one stayed in the cabin, the other went out looking for a bear.
He soon found a huge bear, shot at it but only wounded it.
The enraged bear charged toward him, he dropped his rifle and started running for the cabin as fast as he could.
He ran pretty fast but the bear was just a little faster and gained on him with every step.
Just as he reached the open cabin door, he tripped and fell flat.
Too close behind to stop, the bear tripped over him and went rolling into the cabin.
The man jumped up, closed the cabin door and yelled to his friend inside, "You skin this one while I go and get another one!"
What is a frogs favorite time?
Leap Year!