A drunk phones the police to report that thieves have been in his car.
‘They’ve stolen the dashboard, the steering wheel, the brake pedal, even the accelerator,’ he cries out…
‘Oh hang on.
I’m in the back seat.’
You know how they say if you die in your dream then you will die in real life?
In actuality, if you dream of death then Chuck Norris will find you and kill you.
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When a woman steals your husband, there is no better revenge than to let her keep him.
Chuk Norris was only twice angry, and those times are known as WWI and WWII.
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The Beatles originally sang "All you need is Chuck Norris".
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Chuck Norris is the only person that can stab you with a basketball- Brandon De La Riva.
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One day there was a tortoise walking on the road.
Along came the hare that had once been defeated by the tortoise in a race.
The hare was so angry from what had happened to him so he challenged him to another race.
The tortoise gladly accepted his challenge.
It ended up that the tortoise and the hare never finished the race because they both took a nap right before the finish line.
So the tortoise is still the champion of the race.
So remember this you snooze you loose!
Jason Bourne is Chuck Norris' daughter...
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If Chuck Norris were a calendar, every month would be named Chucktober, and every day he'd kick your ass.
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Patient: "Doctor, I have yellow teeth, what do I do?"
Dentist: "Wear a brown tie..."